Should I believe him

[Red2curls]

Hi, basically my partner told me on Saturday night after he had been drinking that he didn't love me. He told me he'd tried but he didn't. The next day he told me he didn't mean it and it was the drink talking and that he's really sorry etc etc and expects me to just carry on as normal. I can't.
A little perspective on our relationship may be helpful. We had a little girl who's 9 months. She's demanding and hard work and I'm constantly exhausted, stressed and I know I overeact and anger easily so I know I've not been easy to live with. I also have a son from a previous relationship.
My partner historically drinks too much at least once if not more a week and has been a cause of many arguments and upset.
My argument is that no matter how drunk or how upset you are about a partner's behaviour you don't tell someone you don't love them unless you mean it.....right?

Sorry but I agree, even drunk, I think he meant it or he is desperately trying to hurt you, either way, I'd be asking him to leave.

I believe that those thoughts and feelings are in him, and the drink has brought them out.

In vino veritas.

He can't un-say or undo this now. Personally I'd consider this the end of the relationship.

In vino veritas. I would take him at his word and make plans to separate from him asap.

What is the situation re property and finances?.

He is not a good role model to be around your children either if he drinks too much. His drinking is a problem also because it affects you and in turn them. You probably get angry primarily because of his drinking as well.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

I would take what he said very seriously. Alcohol tends to increase a person's feelings, so if someone says they don't love you while drunk I'd be inclined to believe it and I would leave. Life's too short to subject yourself to this kind of thing.

Alcohol is a truth drug

If someone ever says they don't love you or aren't sure under any circumstance drunk, angry or even disguised as sarcy jabs. Start considering your options and leave as soon as possible. People don't say it to people they truly care about.

Thankyou. I keep saying this to him. That he's back pedalling as he doesn't want to find somewhere else to live or miss his daughter. He's insistent he's going to stop drinking ( heard it all before) and that his words came out wrong! I don't believe him and think all your responses prove I'm right not to. Certainly doesn't make it any easier though

Hi I'm new on here and although I don't have much advice I'm going through a similar thing. I have a 2.5 yr old. Last year hubby told me he didn't think he loved me anymore. We got over it but have now had another flare up and he says he doesn't love me, the spark has gone etc. We have split up but still living in the same house as we rent and he won't move out. I've been living with this for years. Try and think of your future with your little baby. X

Thankyou I've only just seen your message. I hope you're ok. It's devasting but they don't seem to understand how it must feel. When I split from my husband 4 years ago now I had to move out and start all over again. I didn't have my daughter but I had my then 7 year old son. It is doable and felt a huge relief once I did. This time round well I'm being stupid and believing him kind off. I'm living in hope that he does love me. If it comes up again then he'll be gone for good x

I am really sorry but I don't think he will change. I speak through experience unfortunately. Mine says he doesn't mean what he says when drunk. He always says it again.

He is an alcoholic, isn't he? He loves the bottle first. That would tend to erase any other love, including that for dc as well. Why chance after chance? Make the executive decision yourself and be proactive for your (and dc) life.

There's a saying "what's on a sober man's mind is on a drunk man's lips"

Do what's right for you and your baby