Is MIL jealous.

[LowFatMilkshake]

I posted this the other day under Health, but things have moved on since I want to see what people think.

It started back when MIL was due to look after my DN's when SIL went back to work, but a week before she started SIL asked her about the arrangements MIL said her back was bad and could not do it. So S&BIL have re-arranged their work so they could manage childcare another way. At this point MIL got tearful saying she was'nt wanted to babysit anymore - when actually she was the one who said she could'nt

So now MIL seems to be trying to find really serious illnesses for herself.

And it's come at a time when our little family needs to pull together to support my BIL and his family as their 6month old baby faces surgery for a potentially cancerous tumour.

I lost my DM to cancer a couple of years ago, SIL DM has just got over it.
In December DH's GP was in hospital for a few weeks - to the point we thought we had lost them - thankfully now on the mend
In feb my DS(3mnth) was admitted to hosital, by ambulance when he stopped breathing
And both my BIL DC's have both got health problems. The eldest is monitored regularly and leads a normal healthy life. The youngest has just been diagnosed with the above.

B&SIL are beside themselves, but all MIL can do is complain about her own health to them, and she never seems to ask after baby.

She was told she had slighlty high cholesterol - so told us all it was her heart. She has a back pain and a hip pain, and has had scans and bloodtests for them - all negative, but has insited there is a problem so the GP has arranged for another scan on her stomach. Each time she goes to get results etc she takes her hospital bag as she is convinced she will be admitted.

SIL and I think she is either attention seeking or depressed. She burst in to tears in front of her GC last week saying to BIL she was so weak, this is likely to be because she has cut everything but fruit, veg and fish from her diet because of the cholesterol thing. And she says her legs ache, again probably because she used to walk a few miles each day to and from SIL's but now just sits at home in a chair moping.
And she actually remarked to SIL that "perhaps they'll just cut me open and take out whatever it is" Knowing DN has to have just such a procedure!

We want to help her, but her attitude at the moment has us fuming because my DN is potentially very poorley and it has been proven she has nothing wrong with her physically. Why can't she just embrace what she does have and support her GC and worry about her health if and when a real problem arises!

bump

Maybe she will end up ill because she has so many negative thoughts.

I not stalking you - honest.

But have a lot of time on my hands, both dds asleep and DH is working until midnight and it saves me eating!

Hi LFMS - am just about to go to bed but wanted to post and give you some support.

I don't have any advice really. Seems like such a difficult situation for you all. The principal difficulty being that it's not your Mum so it might seem odd if you tried to broach the subject with her.

How does your DH feel about it? It might sound harsh but it's for him and your BIL to deal with really. Particularly your BIL who ought to be trying to shield his family from any potential hurt while they're going through such a rough time

I think the best thing for you personally is to keep providing support to your SIL (as you have been doing) and try to distance yourself from MIL until she realises that her attention-seeking will get her nowhere..

lots of people like attention and are also hypochondriacs

Personally I just DON'T talk to them about it. Smile and nod and then move on to something else. Otherwise you will go mad.

I think you have to accept it though and try not to let it bother you - it is just her way of coping with life

She sounds a bit like my mum - she always has endless ailments, usually very vague, which she's desperate to talk about (on the phone she will ask "how is DS"; 5 seconds later she's turned it back round to her own woes - drives me mad). If she gets something "genuine" ie with a diagnosis from the doctor and treatment, you can literally hear the excitement in her voice! It is definitely attention-seeking and needing to feel important

I react by just being very matter-of-fact and saying "ah well/ oh dear/what a shame/oh yes I do believe that's very common" then changing the subject. I also take her up on it if she's being outrageous, eg with your MIL saying she couldn't do the childcare, then whingeing about not being wanted, I'd say brightly "But you said you couldn't do it, so all's well then!" or some such - and NOT 'Oh MIL dearest, we do want you of course we do!" which is what she's angling for. I sometimes feel i treat my mum like a toddler - I try to ignore the "bad behaviour" and make it boring for her - but it does seem to help.

You could read my post two ways, what I mean is it becomes a self fufilling prophecy if you think enough bad/negative things. I don't wish that she becomes ill

Thanks everyone.

We had MIL to lunch on SUnday and she never mentioned her condition once - I think this was because FIL was with her and he wont stand for getting all emotional in front GC's.

However yesterday DD started to come out with chicken pox and MIL is convinced she will get shingles, despite me telling her a million times that shingles is an adult virus of chicken pox and cannot be caught, but DD could catch CP from shingles.

Am not looking forward to DH telling her on his weekly call that's for sure!

your mil sounds like my nan on my dad's side. She has a medical book which she uses to self diagnose the various alements she's convinced she has and actually doesn't. On more than one occasion she's called my mum, who used to be a doctor's receptionist so of course must be all knowledgeable where medical things are concerned, and said things like "now, I don't want to alarm you, but I think I might be diabetic/have angina/be suffering from a brain tumour". It is very irritating especially if you're not like that, but IMO the best way to deal with it is to smile and change the subject. The less attention you give it, the less she will benefit from going on about it.

re shingles - er .. unfortunately you can catch it if you come into contact with chicken pocks - the virus does lay dorment and can come out at any time, but coming into contact with the chicken pocks virus can cause shingles in an adult. She will have to have had chicken pocks as a child though. My mum had shingles within a week of my nephew having chicken pocks and gp confirmed this. Praps she doesn't need to know that though

Thanks WBWIWB - long name

Re chicken pox - there is so much blardy contradictory advice re this. I work in a an office which advises a large corporation of health matters and all the nurses there say it like I have (which is where I get al my info) and I have even looked it up on line and seen as I descirbed. I give up!

Defo gonna let DH tell her about DD, afterall it's his mother!