Advice on living together while you separate

[user1496940061]

Hi

We have decided to separate after 14 years + 2 kids (6+3) following GF’s unfaithful acts!

We will together while we sell the house etc ? Neither of us can afford to move out

I have a few questions for you all

1. How do we keep it civil?
2. How do we protect the kids?
3. When and what do we tell the kids?

Thanks for listening

Been there, done that. It don't work. Get shut of her and pronto.

Easier said than done!

We have kids to consider and they are the main priority!
We have to sell the house; neither of us can afford to move until that is gone.

This could take months!

I need to keep the relationship on decent terms as I want us to be the best parents and to make sure the kids have the best life possible.

When my friends did this they started alternating weekend activities with their kids so when they did live separately it was usual for them to be doing things with one parent, and it was less of a shock. I think they took it in turns to go and stay with friends on their weekend off kids. I'm not sure at what point they told them.
I think staying determined to put the children first and stay civil will pay dividends for your future.

It's awful, sympathies with you and the children. It's easier said than done but try to be positive for the children arguing etc in front of them or even while there in the house won't help you or the children the thing is you know your children so you do need to sit down with your girlfriend and try to talk and come up with an arrangement and plan that will work for all of you, it's the only way it can work, you may even work through it in time for the sake of the children you never know it's hard to think that at the moment but if it's meant to be its meant to be and nothing can break you.

I think its important not to bring any dates or new bf/gf home. Seperate bedrooms. Try and maintain respect for each other, do not bad mouth the other person, keep to the same parenting you have always done-- so do not undermine the other just to spite.

It will be extremely difficult.

At that age, for a short term period of living together (

It'll get particularly difficult if she continues dating the OM or finds another partner and/or you start dating.

I stayed in the house with exW for about a month after finding out about her affair, whilst finding a house I could afford which was close enough to the kids' school. It was awful - for me, for the kids and, no doubt, for her.

As PP have said, try and alternate weekend activities with the kids. Make yourself scarce as often as you can on the alternating weekends.

Try and come to an agreement on cooking, washing etc and who is responsible, and when, for dc whilst you're sharing the space. Having that written down in advance will stop arguments and resentment later - you almost need to treat it like you're housemates in a flatshare.

Sorry you're going though this. I suppose you just have to be grown up and civil towards each other.
I've recently come out of this situation getting Ex to leave. I've taken on the house - could you afford to do this? I have young kids too who seem to be adapting to two homes now.
Living together after we finished was extremely difficult and tough walking around each other like crabs in a very small space. Lots of unhealthy arguments.
I am on the other side now and things are much better.
Good luck.

Thanks everyone for the wise words

It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone, although I feel very alone!!

It's a hard decision to make and see through so be kind to yourself.

It is truly awful. Good luck.

I had to live with my ex for a couple of months after separating. I'm not gonna lie, it was awful. We just tried to avoid each other as much as possible and thankfully we have a spare room so I slept in there. I used to just go to bed after the kids and watch TV there.
At weekends I would just take the kids out as much as possible - he never used to bother that much with them anyway.
Thankfully our house had an offer within 2 weeks so he decided to move out then.

My only advice is to try to avoid each other, be civil and try to come to some rules/arrangements around things.
I found it hard not cooking for him or doing his washing. I used to cook for me and the kids, then he would make his own later in the evening. We just got into that routine.
I hope your house sells fast OP and this is over with so you can move on properly!

Thanks again.
Although it's real and I'm feeling it - this advice really makes it hit home what we are about to go through !
As I said ealrlier my world is upside down so I really appreciate the advice.

The only other advice I can offer is to confide in your family/friends. Get as much support behind you as possible. There's no shame in ending a relationship when it's stopped working. You sound like a caring man who will put your kids first.

To add - there is no spare room and I slept on the sofa in the lounge for a year and a half. Tried to stay together for the children for so long.

We told the kids when he was leaving, that they would have a bedroom at Dads and a bedroom each at mine. I sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge now whilst they are in their rooms...

Close friends have been great while trying to work at salavaginh our relationhship
Would have been even harder without their support.
It's Times like these you see the meaning of true friendship.

Hi, I did this - also after the OH cheated. We lived together for just over a year. It was bloody difficult but I'm not sorry. It was so much better for DS.

I'm doing this and it's ok - we have seperate rooms and clearly alternate days 'on' so tend to go out on our days 'off' and not really see each other