To tell EXH that's he's not taking DD abroad on holiday

[Norky1975]

Posted before about this.
Decided he's definitely not taking her - even though he's insisting it's going to happen.
He is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic and his gf is also.
Her teen son is packed off to relatives every weekend and school holiday.
He took no interest in her when she was a newborn, right up until she was just about to turn 4, when I left. Couldn't cope with the lying, emptying out the bank, deceit and snobbery, the list is endless. He's been clean and sober since about a week after I left, but he's still an arsehole.
I don't trust him to look after her properly.
How can I be diplomatic or not bother?

Really tricky one and I feel for you.

I don't know if you can stop him? What's your agreement re him seeing her/having access? Anything official through the courts?

How can you stop him from taking his daughter on vacation?
With a sternly worded text? A court order?

How long has he been clean?

We've never had a formal arrangement, it's all been very fluid as he works weekends/away a lot.
Clean 4.5 years.
I feel like he's telling me it's going to happen and I'm still fairly aware of his short temper

He has a much right as you do. If he had your dd every weekend and holiday would you be happy for someone else to suggest you pack your daughter off every chance you could or would it be ok and just your child spending time with her father.

Unless there is a cultural 'abduction' concern I dont see how yoy can stop him. You trust him enough to have access. So why not to take dc on holiday?

How does she feel about it? My dd who lives with her father (and me) would hate to go away without me but if she had to I would make sure she had a way of contacting me (ie phone) and that I had as much detail as possible about where they are going. I hope she, at least, has a choice about whether to go or not!

I remember your last post. If he applies to court, you are unlikely to stop him. You can't simultaneously argue that you're fine with him having contact but that he also poses a serious risk of harm.

From what you've posted, she is about 8?

How does she feel about it?

Does she habitually stay over with him, and for how long?

Has she been on holiday - away from you say for more than a week - before?

If she is not used to being with him for stretches of time and contact is currently arranged around short visits, you could argue that given his history you are not willing for a holiday abroad without her first having the chance to get used to being with him for eg a week nearer home. At 8 it is clear that this would be in her best interests, if she doesn't do any more than day trips or perhaps an overnight. If he's reasonable, he should see this too.

However if he habitually has her for 2-3 nights at a time, or has taken her away more locally before, it's hard to see how you can argue that.

The other nuclear option would be that if he is hrassing or threatening, you stop contact altogether and tell him to go to court to get a schedule drawn up as ad hoc contact is clearly no longer working and you refuse to be intimidated or for your daughter to be put in a position where she sees him abusing you.

Thankyou so much

Lose her passport..

Lose her passport..

Don't do that.

He has as much right as the OP does to take her away.

He has been clean for 4.5 years and I assume you allow overnight contact so deem him safe and trust her in to is care?

Why wont you let him take is daughter on holiday? What is it about a holiday abroad that bothers you?

I don't really understand why you are against her going. He has been clean for over 4 years and your DD has been having regular overnight contact with him during that period. I doubt any court would stop him. Just because you don't like him and think he is a knob doesn't mean your DD should miss out on a holiday. Sounds a wee bit like sour grapes to me.

Excuse me, I don't know the legal facts around this, but I'm fairly sure I've read advice on here before where the resident parent needs consent from the non-resident parent to take the child abroad. May one suggest legal advice? Perhaps from the Legal Matters topic, where there are some helpful and knowledgeable posters, before you go spending money on a solicitor.

Yes, if both parents have parental responsibility, then they need permission from the other to take the child away (unless one holds an order that the child lives with them, in which case that parent can travel up to 28 days without permission). That wasn't part of the OPs question though so I'm not sure how it's relevant.

Her question was whether she can prevent the child's father from taking DD abroad. Several responses were on the lines of he's her dad, he can take her anywhere he wants to. That's what I was responding to.

Okay. So yes, she can refuse permission. If he then applies to court, it's very unlikely that he would be prevented from taking the child on holiday. He's not a flight risk and the OP has been happy enough to allow contact.

I think you can stop him - my solicitor told me u need the other parents permission to take children abroad. Anything within the uk is fine but overseas is different.

Sorry cross posted there!

Do you want to get into a potential tit for tat on this OP?

Both parents' permission is required for foreign trips (although I've never been asked at the border to prove I have it), and if YOU want to go abroad with DC, later this year or next, do you want to be in the position where exP can stop you via the same mechanism of withdrawing consent?

Is he a flight risk or is he genuinely likely to harm or neglect DC? If the answer's "no" then IMO you don't really have good reason to stop the holiday.

OP hasn't answered any of the most important questions. Does he already have her overnight. Would DD like it, or hate being away with him. Have they holidayed before. How regular is contact. Does DD know the gf. Lots of pertinent points missing.

OP, if you can answer the questions here, we can help you think this one through.

Right now, your protection has kicked in and understandably.

It may not be as bad as you think.

You can get a prohibited steps order if need be.

OP mentioned she had posted about this before - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/2936247-aibu-to-fear-exh-s-level-of-responsibility

Based on that post and this one, there's no way a court would issue a PSO. Courts don't tend to like parents stopping their children enjoying a holiday with their other parent unless there is a very good reason (ie safeguarding reasons serious enough to prevent unsupervised contact or one parent being a flight risk).