Horrible, selfish thing, potential big mess

[plotmissinginaction]

Married fifteen years, two kids. Been unhappy and lonely for a long time. DH regularly emotionally abusive, constantly telling me I'm fucking useless. On a work thing and connected with someone and you can guess the rest. Unprotected, took the morning after pill. Now my head is reeling with shame and fear. What if the MAP doesn't work. What kind of person am I? Briefly I had a moment of feeling good about myself after years of not but I'm struggling with massive anxiety now, tipping into self loathing. I have no one to talk to hence the post.

I'm very aware I was wrong, never said otherwise. It's shifted something in me though. For the first time in years I feel a doubt cast on all the things he's said to me over the years. Maybe I'm not useless. I just always believed he was right. Then I couldn't leave because I wouldn't manage without him. Now I'm not so sure. It's the first time I've felt worth something in a really long time.

I'll find the CAB near me. I'm afraid more about bringing it up, what reaction he'll have.

As someone who knows how isolating it is being in an abusive relationship I wouldn't judge you at all OP and I hope this is the spur you need to get away from your marriage.

Do be careful though, don't let on that you are thinking of leaving if there is ANY chance that things could become volatile. Have a look at the Women's Aid website if you can without him finding out - loads of good practical advice on there - or phone the helpline.

I wish you the very best of luck

Thank you. I don't feel good about myself, but yes, very isolating. I think it's possible he could, he has a nasty temper, I spend all my energy on keeping the peace.