Fathers Day

[shakalakadoodah]

I posted a couple of weeks ago about problems DH and I are having and that I am currently staying at my DM with DS.

We are trying to work through problems and I take DS to see H on his days off work. H works shifts and only gets his rota on friday for the next week. I always have to ask his days off and last week all he told me were the days he was off, it never even occurred to me to consider his other shifts. But on Thursday he told me that he has a late start on Sunday.

I told him that he needs to let me know in advance about his shifts so i can plan around them, it is a long drive from my DM house and DS is only 7 months old so spur of the moment stuff is hard.

So anyway i thought we had left it that we would see each other on his next days off, I hadn't heard anything from him about his shifts for next week so sent him a text this evening asking, eventually I got a reply with his days off then followed by another asking 'don't you and DS want to see me tomorrow?'

I told him I think it would be better for us all to do something nice on his days off instead of us all having the stress tomorrow. I then had a reply saying 'don't you think DS will want to see his dad on fathers day?'

I resisted the urge to say DS is 7 months old and has no clue its fathers day! But instead went with it would be unfair on DS to spend nearly 4 hours in a car on a boiling day. No reply from H.

I guess I just need a little reassurance that I'm not being awful and unreasonable about this?

Thanks for reading and sorry for rambling on, I'm trying to work on my confidence and assertiveness.

Father's day is totally pointless for a kid less than 1 and not very important for older kids. It is a modern commercial construct. I say that as a father of two. He is using it as an excuse to guilt trip you.

If it was important to him he'd have planned ahead.

He's using this to beat you with. It's daft. Stick to your guns and if he carries on being a tool have a good think about what your future could look like.

Agree about babies not knowing what day it is!

YANBU.

Stop running after him, if seeing his son on Fathers Day is so bloody important he would have made more of an effort. It sounds like working on your marriage is your responsibility, good luck with that.

What they all said ^^ with bells on.

Would you have been happy not to see ds on mothers day and would you have organised it yourself or expected your h to do something?

This is his first Father's Day so I can understand him feeling it's important to see his son. I don't think many mothers would want to be away from their kids on Mother's Day, especially their first. But maybe he should be the one to travel.

I do agree with you all, thanks for replying. I can see his point of view but feel that he doesn't go about things the right way. I haven't heard anything else from him.

Fwiw I had to work for a few hours on mothers day and H looked after DS, but I didn't get so much as a card or a cup of tea made for me. I'm not bitter about that and keeping DS away from him as revenge its just the practicality of it all.

Sorry, no sympathies. It's not what he says, it's what he does. If specific events are important to him then he needs to learn to prioritise them, just like with all the other activities he prioritises. Don't fall into the trap of being responsible for maintaining his relationship with his son. As the RP your job is to make your son available on mutually agreed contact times not to chase a man whose all talk.

I feel sorry for your DH. It's his first Father's Day and you didn't plan anything special for him? I'd be gutted if its was my first Mother's Day and I didn't see my DS. Having said that I would have travelled a long way to be with him if no one planned anything.
But what I don't understand is why is your DS travelling? Why is DH not travelling?

Don't feel sorry for him, OP has already said that he made absolutely no effort for Mother's Day.