talk sense to me! He's an old friend and....

[Fortynotfourteen]

Namechanged for this.
Ladies please give me a talking to....
First of all I have never had a very long romantic relationship, despite being forty. I suspect that if I were at school thesedays I might be identified as ASD traits. I also have a narcissistic family influence and saw a lot of unhealthy relationships growing up. So relationships have always felt a bit too much hassle for me. I also have health issues so I've been happy enough in recent years to have the odd fling but nothing major.
Anyway...I have a good male friend, have known him over 15 years. In earlier years he has tried it on a few times after a heavy night's drinking, apologised the next day, alll forgotten about, no worries.
In the last few years he has really matured, seems to have got his shit together a bit more, which is great. We have a nice time together, can go and visit a gallery, go for a meal or (not so much thesedays) have a big night out. We now live really far apart, stay in touch every few weeks by text etc meet a few times a year. A few friends have commented to me we would make a good couple.
Physically he's not really my type but recently I've found myself thinking maybe I do like him a bit. Yesterday he was meeting friends nearby so I joined them at the pub. His best mate was making a lot of comments about how he talks about me a lot, I should go and stay with him for a while, why don't I just book a ticket now, and also being a bit flirty. He was definitely making a bit of a point. They were all pretty drunk when I got there. Himself was saying I should move near him, he will help me settle in (he lives in a great city which I love, but I love where I live).
Now I'm all confused. Have I been oblivious all along, he's not really my "friend" I've just been oblivious? Or is it blokes doing a wind up, and I'm over thinking it? In the past he's had a few longish relationships.i know he wants to settle down and have kids.
I think now that if I was to indicate an interest he would take me up on it. But I think it would be a disaster, I'd be a nightmare (I seem to veer between obsessed, manipulative and depressed in relationships).
I just feel like if I don't do something, it will always be "there" and if I do something, it will end in disaster.
Talk sense into me!

Perhaps the best thing to do is take it slowly and stop overthinking things. Talking about settling down, kids and moving to his area is all too much.
I don't know how far apart you live, but if could you have a few dates and see how it goes? It sounds as though you haven't had much contact lately so you need to reconnect and see if there could be something pursuing.

Being good friends is a brilliant basis for a relationship but there needs to be a spark between you.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship so don't feel obliged or pressured by his friends.

No words of advice but I am in a similar situation with a close friend whose friendship I really value, with the added complication of not wanting to accidentally lead him on while at the same time not being totally sure if I am in the friend zone and overthinking things or there is something else at play.

I think I've decided that in the absence of clear evidence to the contrary, I am just assuming we're just friends

Suggest you visit him in his city for a weekend and spend time there. Make sure it's not with all his friends around and then see how it unfolds.

Thanks all. The talk of moving to his area isn't so serious, I've visited (and stayed) before, and if I was younger with less ties to my area, I'd have seriously considered it. We have both travelled extensively, lived abroad - actually we met whilst living in a different country. And he has talked of settling down having kids (as everyone our age has pretty much, all our mutual friends have children).
I like the idea that in the absence of form evidence otherwise (I.e. Declaration of undying love, and whilst very sober) I should consider us friends.

I think that's for the best. Problem with having these issues with friends are it's so hard to tell if you are in regular contact and genuinely like each other as people.

I think it's better to just take the friendship at face value. Otherwise things can so easily be misconstrued and take up far too much head space.