Just sent the text..

[CantHelpDancingWithTheDevil]

He's been weird with me for days - one minute loved up, next texting saying "talk later I'm busy"

Probably bad news on the whole - he has a few issues and more baggage than Heathrow airport's lost luggage room but a good friend to me for over eight years. He cracked first with the "I love you" stuff - I was the cagey one

Right thing to do; I've been bolstered by a day of drinking in the local beer garden and the text was already composed beforehand but fuck I feel horrendous - I stated in the text not to reply to me but I hope that some day we will be able to be friends again; and that in the interim I hope he gives me space to move on and be happy

Fuck sake. Right thing to do - as my mama says "if there's something not right then it's wrong" - but I'm sad 🙁

You dumped a friend of 8 years by text? Sounds like they've had a lucky escape tbh. That's brutal

I think you did the right thing, Stay strong OP and I hope things work out for the best for you It sounds like he was blowing hot and cold on you.

Have you just dumped someone by text? And told them not to contact you? Sorry you're going through a rough time, OP, but that's not on really.

What boo said!! Really?! That's so cold.

The dumping part is anyone's prerogative in any type of relationship (minus your own children, but that's arguably it) obviously.

Doing it by text is brutal, though. I'd be devastated!

If it's not right and he's messing you about blowing hot and cold then there's no point wasting yours and his time by arranging to meet up just to dump him. Text is kinder then he has time to process and compose his poker face.

What's wrong with text? If someone is dumping me, I would t really want them to do it AT ME. Why wouldn't I want to be watched for my reaction.

Text says 'I don't respect and appreciate you enough to put myself in an uncomfortable situation in order to show you common courtesy!'

If you dump someone you should really have the decency to acknowledge you may have hurt them and by using a text you're robbing them of the opportunity to respond.

... and that's coming from someone who's actually done the 'it's not you, it's me' thing once - so I'm not exactly the queen of good dumping manners (or wasn't at 22).

I vastly prefer being dumped via text. I find face to face incredibly cruel and unnecessary.

It's horses for courses.

Sorry you're feeling shit op. It will take some time but you'll feel better soon.

I think we need to consider the OP's context to the situation first.

I can understand. I'm in a situation I feel might be similar. Wonderful one minute then cold for days afterwards. Arranging to meet with him is a nightmare. He's a complete loner and always alone, but suddenly when I say I'd like to see him before I go on holiday with a week's notice, he's "really busy" and will have to let me know. It's very controlling. All on his terms.

If OP is experiencing something similar and it was one of his messages that instigated her message, I can understand.

No I didn't dump a friend. We were friends - turned into something else. And I am heartbroken. Absolutely devastated but I can't face him. I just can't stop crying. He knows my door is always open if he needs me but I told him in the text that I need time to get my head around this

How is your door open when you've told him not to contact you?

Sorry you're having a rough day. But if you've been friends for such a long time why couldn't you talk to him about the issues?

Very mixed messages OP.

I think you've done the right thing for you. And that's ok. Chin up xx

I also think you are giving very mixed messages.

Are you sure his reactions to you weren't because he was busy at work? Did you warn him you were unhappy?

Did you dump him because of his behaviour?

I stated in the text not to reply to me but I hope that some day we will be able to be friends again

Ermmmm.... what?!

So many mixed messages here. If someone said that to me I'd never speak to them again.

It also seems like the 'baggage' is why you dumped him.... if you've known him 8 years I would guess you knew about this. Why start a relationship with someone that has issues you need to 'get your head around'?

I don't understand what's going on

So how long were you in this relationship before you dumped him by text? It doesn't sound exactly kind...

Although text sounds brutal, is far rather be dumped that way so I can lick my wounds in private. I'm a cryer and would HATE that being in front of the man who just dumped me.

When I last dumped by text (OLD after about 8 dates but including a weekend away), I did at least say "text seems rude but I'd rather be on the receiving end by text - if you'd like to email or talk on phone let me know". (obviously if a man has been an arsehole you owe them NOTHING)

What I think is off, is all the 'my door is always open' bullshit. It isn't, don't say it is.

Agree that the mixed messages are the most insulting aspect - dumping by text as others have said does have many plus points on the giving and the receiving side

Yeah - mixed messages - if a woman posted she'd been on the receiving end of that where the relationship was preceded by an 8year friendship she'd be told

• you dodged a bullet.What a shit to do that to you after 8 years.

-- the "some day we can be friends" = he is setting you up to be booty call down the line/use you as an emotional crutch.

I can't imagine a more disrespectful way to end a relationship + an 8 year friendship by text after spending a day drinking in a beer garden. Really OP what were you thinking?

I know it's not the done thing, but this username caught my eye. Is it possible to have two users with the same name?

Eternal - once somebody name-changes, their user name is "up for grabs" so effectively anybody could change to that name, I believe. Happy to be corrected if wrong.