Tell me I'm being silly

[IP1974]

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment and I don't really think I have a reason to. Feel free to tell me.

Me and DP are both in our 40s. Together 7 months. He has 2 DC, I don't. We see each other usually one night a week and sometimes another afternoon or evening too. Everything is going great.

I'm just starting to feel that I don't see him enough. Once a week is lovely but I'd like to see him more than that. Totally understand half the week he's with DC so I don't see him then. We've very consciously not rushed things and I haven't met DC. However I'm starting to think I might like to soon.

I feel a bit down I think as we saw each other last night, but spent the night at his friends house who I'd not met before (they were lovely and it was a good night). But now it's another week until I'll see him again and I feel we didn't really get any time together this week, just for us.

I feel a right idiot writing this as I know people have real problems but just feel a bit fed up. I always feel sad leaving him but it just feels worse today somehow. I probably need to talk to him about seeing him more but we've done such a good job of not putting pressure on ourselves that I'm worried I'll spoil things. We're going on holiday in a few weeks, maybe then would be the time to broach things. I just feel pathetic today

It's been 7 months together - I'd say that's a reasonable time frame to decide on both sides whether the relationship has long term potential.

Have you ever had a chat about where things are going in the long term?

I think this is a sign that you are ready to move the relationship on a bit from just dating, which is what it has been up until now. Things are moving in the right direction - he's introduced you to his friends and that went well. Now you're about to go on holiday together. If that goes well too, I think it would absolutely be appropriate to sound him out about increasing the frequency that you see each other.

I know it's a bit miserable to miss him in between meetings but I think that's a good sign.

I hope you have a lovely holiday 😎

Thank you for your kind words. I think I am ready to move things on.

I feel down because we could have spent the afternoon together yesterday but we didn't and that was his choice. When our time together is so limited I found that sad. I'm just being ridiculous

Where was he yesterday? I thought you said you spent the evening and night together?

How often does he have his children?

We spend Friday night together. We usually meet up Saturday afternoon but didnt yesterday. Has his DC Sunday to Wednesday

It might be hard for him to have no downtime on his own? Sometimes everyone needs that. Especially if he has his dc for the rest of the week. I wouldn't take it personally
And you're going on hols!! That's a lot of time together and it will be perfect to maybe talk about the future.
I am a person that could easily get too intense and take it personally if someone wasn't going to spend their spare time with me, but in reality I know that's just me being a bit insecure.

Thank you Holdingonbarely. This really isn't like me at all. Me and DP don't speak every day and respect each other's space etc. We're both busy. This doesn't bother me in the slightest usually. It's just got me really down this week. I don't want to feel or come across as needy. I think it's just that we've had no time to ourselves this week which we could have done yesterday afternoon. I'm going to give myself a big slap, have words with myself and look forward to next week, and our holiday.

Basically, you are saying you miss him and you'd like to see a bit more of him. Just say it, rather than brewing. And don't take yesterday afternoon personally. Unless you made specific plans and he blew them. He might just need some down time.
What DP and I found is that coming out of 10+ years relationships and the routine that came with it is hard. We both need headspace and to get over that ackward dance of: do we say it, do we ...whatever.
It gets easier as the relationship gets closer.

Yes you're right. We had no specific plans at all. And he's never cancelled when we have have made plans. I think I need to have a chat with him. Maybe the holiday would be a good time to talk, if it goes well.

I'm still feeling inexplicably pissed off generally. I think maybe now this relationship is settling down I'm starting to see the faults. Nothing really major at all, just feel at times a bit taken for granted. Lately it seems to be me initiating chats when we're not together. The compliments and goodnight messages have stopped. I get that he's busy when he has the DC but a quick text at night would be nice. He used to do that, not every night but more often than not. I guess I'm just feeling he's not thinking about me as much as I am him. I might be totally wrong. Do men just get complacent and a bit lazy once a routine is established? Do you think he needs a bit of a nudge not to neglect me? I honestly could not be any less demanding but I'm starting to think even my very easy going nature is being tested.

Hard to say, but I think that if you're not completely happy with how things are going then you have the right to express that feeling. Probably best to mention it in a fairly light hearted way, though iyswim.

You're right. I'll have a word at the weekend maybe. The problem is we've both not rushed things and been so easygoing that I feel like I've backed myself into a bit of a corner where anything I mention like how I'm feeling now I'll spoil things. I know it's completely ridiculous, he's so laid back, he's horizontal. I should just mention it and not let it brew I suppose