Can you stay friends with an ex?

[PlayOnWurtz]

Stbxh and I have decided to split before we end up fighting so much we lose any hope of maintaining a friendship. It's mutual and so far amicable due to major irreconcilable differences that we have been spending years trying to fix unsuccessfully.

Are we being unrealistic in wanting to stay friends?

Yeah at least for a while until you're both used to being single

I never stay friends with any exes though

Ive never managed it.

It's also obvious how little you care about your ex when you meet someone else.

I keep on touch with a couple of exes; generally a FB message here and there asking after respective families etc

Others I went no contact with on account of their poor behaviour

What's the point? Why do you want to stay friends with someone who is so different to you that you don't want to "be" with them any more.

Clean break is often best. Easier to move on in life.

I have three exes I suppose -

One sadly passed away several years ago but we were always friendly (teenage romance).

One I split up with almost 15 years ago and we are still friends, chat on WhatsApp every few weeks - we weren't in touch for year due to my controlling h but when we got back in touch it was as if we'd never stopped chatting. Great lad.

Said controlling h is now my exh. I tried very hard to stay friends but unfortunately his controlling / suspicious nature made that impossible and I've had to distance myself almost completely. We are civil but not friends anymore.

My current dp is friends with all his exes except for one lady, who was unfortunately very abusive. We have holidayed with one of his exes and her new partner even. She is a lovely person.

So all that to say it's all down to the individuals involved. I think if both involved are easy going and decent people, and enough time has been given for a bit of healing to occur, friendship is perfectly possible.

I'm friends with one, to the extent that we occasionally email, text once in a blue moon about something important (eg condolences on a bereavement) and see each other every couple of years with other friends. Others I'll happily have a drink with if we meet at eg a mutual frind's party, but don't otherwise keep in touch.

I have friends who have tried really hard to stay 'proper' friends but find it a struggle, especially when the one who has a new partner wants to prioritise them and the other wants to alter child arrangements at short notice. It's tricky, but can be done if the relationship ended for no-blame reasons.

IME best not to. However understand that if you are co-parenting it would help.

Friends with both my long term exes. Fell out of love with them but not friendship. Hard at first but then it settles down. I still care a lot about my son's dad but not in that way, we see each other regularly, family days out and the odd family holiday.

People either find it admirable or weird.

Good friends with my ex. He spoke at my wedding.

I'm Godmother to his daughter.

Dh, ds and stayed with him his wife and kids at Christmas.

Totally possible.

It can work as long as you both know where you stand with no hidden agendas. Ex couples can behave like adults without it descending into a war or frostiness as long as you approach it with mutual respect and a touch of compassion. Each situation is individual so don't listen to what others preach but figure it out for yourself.

I think it's completely individual and only you can decide.

One of my exes is a facebook friend, but we don't really interact.

My ex-H passed away.

My most recent ex, given that he owed me thousands of pounds which he's never even pretended to pay back, he would need to settle his debt before I'd even think about friendship!

TBH I tend to pick guys who are quite different to me and we riff off those differences. EG I would take the piss out of my ex for watching Desperate Housewives and he'd take the piss out of me for buying the Guardian. So we wouldn't be natural friends anyway, iyswim.

Bit of a mix then. He seems to think he can be my carer and friend and see the kids (mine, his step kids) and move on to new relationships but I'm sceptical

I'm friends with several ex's but none that I was in a serious relationship with, mainly those who I was with for less than 6 months. I've not spoken to my exH for 14 years, another ex was completely vile to me whenever we had contact so I told him to get to fuck and my most recent ex wants to be friends but as he was an abusive arsehole he can get to fuck.