Hi all,
Sorry to bore you with one of these threads but I've found that speaking to people and posting on forums has definitely started to help me.
My ex and I were together for two years, she moved in with me within a matter of weeks and for at least a year it was absolutely bliss. We also worked together (I was her boss). Due to this putting a strain on our relationship she started working in car dealerships and is currently at a prestige brand (don't want to be too specific) and enjoying it greatly.
She did not pay rent although did buy food and so on for the house. I did all the domestic chores except prepare the food and never received any help. After a 12 hour day I'd come back and clear up her mess or in the morning take down her empty mug of tea, fold her clothes and give the place a quick spruce up. It was very rare that I received any help doing this kind of stuff. I mentioned it a couple of times but never saw any improvement. If I was folding washing the evening she would shout up to me and say "aren't you sitting down yet/am I going to spend any time with you tonight" completely oblivious to the fact that I was doing chores that were necessary.
She has an active social media presence and my friend actually said to me her IG profile looks like that of a "single girl." Although I never wanted to be on there myself due to wanting some privacy it did surprise me how she took daily selfies and so on, the only people who would be receptive to that would be men. I said that was due to her wanting attention, which she did not deny.
Things really deteriorated about six months ago when I moved house. The house was bought by me 100% so I didn't really embrace it as my parents applied a degree of coercion for me to move (I was more inclined to blow some money on cars and holidays). I admit I was a bit down in the dumps and lost my mojo but surely these things are a two way street. I'm not just there to entertain my gf, there must be a element of her wanting to support/help me too?
When it really came to a head was when she booked a training course with work on my 30th birthday. My parents were going on holiday so I faced the very real prospect of not seeing my gf or my family on my 30th. I chose to go on holiday. On my birthday she called me from her car with her colleague in there so we spoke for literally two minutes. I'll be honest I was upset, no card or present. She could have sent a card to the hotel or something, but nothing. When we met up for "the chat" I said she could have booked her course for another day (September), she said it would have delayed her career. Surely this isn't just selfish behaviour?
We had a chat prior to ending it and she said that she did not want to be with someone who put their business first. She stated that when she called me (when I was at work and sometimes before say 17:00) that I wasn't always that attentive and was always busy. Due to the nature of what I do and the fact that I was at work that isn't unrealistic. It isn't that I value my business more than her it is at that particular time I was doing something more important. I asked her if I called her while she was doing a handover or a prospective customer walked in would she speak to me and give me her undivided. Her response was that she wouldn't answer the phone. I said I always answer the phone at least in case it is something urgent. I always saw her in the evenings, we ate together and I was attentive and affectionate.
When we spoke about this breaking up she said that the things I got irritated by were petty. Surely they're not, doesn't it just represent a degree of immaturity or selfishness on her part? If you look at the scenarios and reverse who is doing what I would have been in the dog house on many an occasions.
The frustrating element now is that I can only dwell on the good times and when she was so thoughtful and considerate and it makes me feel like maybe I wore her down/did something to spoil it? I have begun to question myself thinking did I get boring? Could I have done things like buy flowers more often and so on? I know it's academic now but I'd just want to know for future reference. I'd hate to think I drove her away but given the issues I had and her lack of understanding I feel I would have had to compromise on far too much to make it work.