He cheated, apparently it's all my fault!

[Hypersensitive39]

I recently found out my DP of several years has been cheating on me, he accidentally his Facebook account open and I read everything.

He told this girl he loves her and all kinds of other s#@*t, I left to calm down and he came after me to explain his side of things. He felt I'd been pushing him away to care of our very high needs baby and that I'd kept his child from him, he wanted to help but I never let him, he felt unwanted and I had done something far worse by pushing him away from baby.

Now baby needs somewhat constant attention, it's very tiring caring for her and keeping the houde clean. I'm always tired and once baby is sleeping I'm far to tired to do anything..... like sex. I've given baby to him many times to care for and he puts her down and she is ignored, she quickly becomes upset and cries so I step in to care for her, if she becomes to upset she vomits.

He knows all of this yet I'm at fault for providong the care she needs?
I feel heart broken, I can't stand to look at him now. I try to talk to him and he just blames me, how was it keeping his child from him when he ignored her when asked to watch her? Even if I'm in the wrong, how is cheating justified by what I've done?
I ask him to watch her now and he tells me that the damage between them has been done and he isn't use to watching her so doesn't know what to do.

Then you're a mug and he will do it again.

What makes you think he'll stop seeing the woman he says he loves?

Deleting Facebook does not prevent a cheater.

You have an unremorseful cheater on your hands here.

He's not taking any responsibility.

I know children with special needs can be very demanding, however that applies to you as well.

I suggest you seek relationship counselling as you are remaining in the relationship.

It's going to be hard for you to compete with a woman, who pays him attention and strokes his ego like this, unless you suddenly find the energy to devote to him and burn yourself out in the process.

He will continue the affair, because he has nothing to loose. He knows you aren't going anywhere and loosing you isn't an issue or a fear in his mind.

If there are no consequences, why in the world would he stop?

He felt I'd been pushing him away to care of our very high needs baby and that I'd kept his child from him, he wanted to help but I never let him, he felt unwanted and I had done something far worse by pushing him away from baby.

So why didn't communicate this to you like a grown up rather than putting his dick in another woman?

How does him putting his dick in another woman address any of his concerns?

It's not your fault. It's his. He CHOSE to have sex with someone else and crap all over your family. If you stay with him you're telling him that you're ok with that and that you accept his arrogant victim-blaming if you.

You and your daughter deserve more than that

I'm sorry he doesn't "know it" . He'll take your forgiveness as a green light to do this again.

The girl he was cheating on me with was just as unhappy as me and it's cause a lot of issues for him and his friends,family, and me. The girl was reluctant and unaware we was still dating until I told her, she wasn't in the wrong here either and was also lied to. I know this because I've read all the messages and how he told her we broke up when she refused to cheat with him.
She was very sorry over all and hopefully the issues he's caused between his own family and friends should at the very least put him off doing so again.

You've got your priorities wrong. He just refused to take care of his own baby and told you that he never could because he hasn't bonded with her and it is too late.

Deleting Facebook is on your list but taking care of his own child isn't.

It's good that she didn't realise he was with you, but it shows the lengths he'll go to to deceive and get sex from another woman.

I'm not sure how you could go on to be secure in this relationship, unless the issues are addressed... And I'm not saying you're at fault.

It's just very difficult when you have an infant, and more so when you have additional challenges.

You have essentially agreed to an open relationship, though probably not one in which it would be OK for you to shag another man.

Why do so many women sell themselves so horribly short.

He's pathetic. Under certain circumstances I can empathise with people who cheat (long term sexless marriage etc) but in this case absolutely not!

He was chasing sex whilst coming home to his newborn and partner.

He is an absolute waste of space.

You abd your child weren't good enough a month ago so why would he think you are now?

Kick him out and destroy anything of his you can in the process

Whilst I have every sympathy, it amazes me that people come on here with their woes knowing exactly what the real answer is.
Then people comment and give the relevant advice and the OP just brushes it off 'oh well he has cheated and I'm outraged but......despite what everyone says or what I know I should really do, I'm gonna stay...thanks everyone!'

Pretty much what SandyY2K said at 20:47 yesterday. He will find a way of staying in contact with the OW if he wants to, especially if you're giving him the message that you won't end your relationship. If she gets fed up then he'll move on to someone else. I stayed in my marriage (for kids and financial reasons) after seeing similar messages and I regret it now. The only way I coped was with by detaching emotionally. If I was you I would at least start planning my exit!

You will never be able to keep him away from other women. Either a man has the bare ounce of decency required to keep him from cheating on his long term partner while she's at home with their newborn FFS (AND BLAMING HER TO BOOT, Jesus the brass neck is scarcely even believable). Or he doesn't, and will always be a selfish, lying wanker who thinks he's entitled to cheat when he stops being the centre of his partners universe.

He will also always be a shit dad for the same reason. You just signed yourself up for doing all the childcare plus constantly watching and suspecting him, always on edge, never able to relax. The best thing you could do for your daughter is give her a mother who is at ease because she had the confidence and self-esteem to punt this loser for the extra point.