Family don't bother with boyfriend

[Feelinginsignificant]

Went to a family gathering. My DP of 6 years was largely 'ignored'. Admittedly we don't see my siblings that much, but I always feel like the more established partners are more important. My siblings have long established relationships (I'm in my fifties).

My DP mentioned this after the event, how incidental he felt because nobody asked about him, one sided conversations, him doing all the work. I have to say that my DD's DP (of 2 years) said he felt nobody really bothered with him either.

This makes me feel neither me or my family are important, which I do anyway, just exacerbates the feelings.

I also think it's incredibly rude, and I'm ashamed of my family for behaving like this.

Is this the norm in family gatherings?

It is the norm for me, and it bothers me a lot too. But it shouldn't be the norm. Any idea why they might be like this?

I've been with my DH over 30 years and no one is interested in me in his family. They are just horrible people, I've given up caring

Are they very different to you? I get ignored at the inlaws but I think it's because I have nothing in common with them - they can't work out why I work rather than stay at home for example and don't even attempt to understand what my job is (which is pretty easy to understand). I try to be nice but I don't think they know what to say to me.

I also found that once dh and I got married (after 8 years together) people suddenly started taking us seriously. My family stopped suggesting I should take a job abroad, on my own without him for example

gentle maybe it is because we're not married, though I doubt it.

They say 'hello' and then nothing else. My DSIS who I consider myself close to (she lives the other end of the country, rarely see her, but phone/Skype a lot)didn't make any attempt to get to know him, that really upset me actually.

I think I yearn for that family closeness, but it doesn't happen. My siblings all had their DC very young, so are grandparents too. They are all in their own family cliques it appears. I'm yet to be a grandparent, so maybe i would feel differently?

But I still don't think I would treat people like that, it's just plain rude.

Some people are just plain rude I'm afraid and seem to have no personal awareness! My brother and his wife are intrinsically selfish and all they talk about is money, houses, holidays and their big life plan!! He doesn't even ask how we are or remember birthdays anymore. It's upsetting isn't it xxx

I do think it's because you're not married. People do seem to only take your relationship seriously and treat partners with more respect if you're married.

Some people just aren't interested in dps. I never understood why I have to care about the people my family are shagging. equally I find it slightly odd when they did fawn over ex.

They're probably interested in other family's dps because they've actually made friends in their own right somehow.

Maybe they don't take it seriously then. However, I think 6 years is pretty serious.

But it questions the integrity of people who pay no interest because you aren't married.

I think a lot of people these days are only interested in themselves, once they have an established 'group' anyone else is incidental. They don't even consider how it makes me feel either, just thoughtless and selfish, and rude!

I don't think this is very unusual.
I've been with DH for 20 years and when we meet his parents (MIL and later StepMIL) they have no interest in me. They may ask the odd random question about my family, but their eyes glaze over if I give anything more than a one word answer.
I don't think it will change if you marry.
My ILs spend their whole time navel-gazing, admiring themselves and how fabulous they are. They are simply not interested in anyone else.