Is it me or him?

[sp12345]

Can someone please tell me if I am going crazy!! My fiancé always jokes about how he hates me in my glasses, which is a bit annoying because he makes me feel bad for wearing them sometimes but it's not too bad. Last night he stops me touching him intimately because I have them on in bed and says that if I want to continue then I should take them off. He says that I am sooo attractive with them off and he just cannot be attracted to me sexually or otherwise when I have them on. I got upset because I would never feel this way about him, I get turned on by him because it is him and he is calling me a drama queen and that I would prefer to be lied to. He isn't backing down on this and I cannot seem to make him see that he is being rude and hurtful. Saying he loves me despite the fact I wear them doesn't help. Am I overreacting by getting upset? Is he normal? Am I? Am I crazy like he says? Help and advice much appreciated...xx

No I don't think you are over reacting.

His ove for you is shallow and superficial.

What will happen if you have children and put on weight or have a health issue..will he just stop being attracted to you.

I certainly preferred by ex without glasses as didn't suit him but would never have dreamt of saying anything and it didn't make me feel he was unattractive.

I think you may really need to rethink marriage as he's showing you who he is.

I think he is the drama queen, OP! As Hermonie say, if the glasses supposedly make such a difference for him, he must be a very shallow person. I can understand removing glasses for reasons of comfort during sex (and avoidance of them coming off and getting broken) but other than that, no.

He doesn't sound nice at all. Like above what happens if you gain a little weight or you have kids and your body changes?!

He is a dick. A superficial dick.
Glasses are a necessity to help you see not a fucking fashion accessory.
Next time he asks you to take them off you should say "yes I was just about to as you look better when I can't see you properly"
Tell him to fuck off and find someone who loves you for you and not what you wear.

Meh, I'm on the fence. You know he doesn't like them. Why did you have them on in bed? Micro penis or being goady with him? Can you really not see without them?

I dunno but I think unless you really can't see anything most folks would take their glasses off for sex.

It's him

I'm blind as a bat without glasses and I've never had a man say that to me

Seriously I would end a relationship if a dp/dh said this.

H wears glasses and contacts. He can't see much w/o glasses.
And I must say - glasses do get on the way of everything and I am afraid of being scratched by them.
Kills the mood.
He always takes them off.

It's not about NOT finding you attractive. It's skit a little thing and you make it into something bigger.
Unless something else is bothering you about him - is it worth fighting over?
Once (if) you get married and live together for a long time - there will be so many issues you won't see the same way - and you'll learn that you can't fight over eveurhing.

Josuk
It's not about NOT finding you attractive.

Read the OP as that's exactly what it's about.

he just cannot be attracted to me sexually or otherwise when I have them on.

He sounds controlling and shallow and I'd be pretty hurt by that reaction too.

Fiancé??!

Please do not marry this man. Your life will be a misery.

He is now saying that I am being an absolute drama queen because I am crying so much about this, and maybe I am but I am honestly so hurt...

He is a twat.

If you love someone, you don't make them feel shit about something they use to be able to see. I would have second thoughts about marrying this one.

I do know he loves me though? He also told me this week that he likes me to be fresh out of the shower if he is to be really attracted to me to want to have sex. I shower every morning and work as a teacher so not a particularly dirty job. I think that he wants me to shower a few times a week before bed as well as in the morning so that if we feel like sex we can have it. If I don't do this then he isn't really interested. I just don't think I am dirty if I haven't showered before bed? Again, am I crazy for feeling put down? He says he is just being honest about his preferences and I am too sensitive....

Oh god, please don't marry him - he will destroy your self esteem.

Time to tell him to chip off. Your views are incompatible

Fucking hell. Utterly controlling. That comment about the shower made my blood run cold.

I understand the shower preference as I shower twice a day however it's should be a preference not a demand.

What would worry me is his lack of compassion when you are upset.From experience compassion is essential to get through lifes trials.When a person lacks compassion it enables them to treat you badly.

A lack of empathy and compassion is a massive red flag.

It's him and you're going to end up treading on eggshells...

My god he sounds awful, controlling, demanding, dominating, selfish and uncaring. He doesn't love you, he loves what you do for him.

I'd run.

Please please please trust me on this: DO NOT marry this man. He is only going to get worse. Save yourself the misery and get rid.

I wear glasses, cant see a thing without them. I cant imagine some one telling me I have to take them off to find me attractive - i'd be suggesting he takes himSELF off...somewhere far away from me. As for the shower thing, yes I enjoy freshly showered nakedness on a partner, I also enjoy fresh from the gym too. He's a controlling, shallow cunt - dont marry him. He'll make you miserable with his obsession over the superficial

I must say - I also prefer contacts to glasses and a freshly showered scent - however, the way you describe he expresses his preferences is strange.
Has it always be this way?

Seems strange that you've got to the point of being engaged and with this being your 'normal'.

Unless this is all - recent developments? Has anything else changed on your relationship???

You must (_jump through hoop of the day__) before he will condescend to grace you with access to his penis. This is about his superiority over you. And he is using sex as leverage. Imho, he is presuming you will do anything to have sex with him.

The glasses are a mechanism of this dynamic; it isn't about the glasses.

The showering thing: it is nice when people are fresh out of the shower yes. But to ask you to shower more than you normally would is not on (unless you are of a culture that showers once a week or something). That leaves me a bit speechless tbh. He wants you in a seemingly constant state of being freshly showered in case he gets the urge to pounce on you. Reality: He wants you to be in a state of constantly thinking about sex with him ...and to meet his specifications for his preferences. All about him. Then he turns on you and shames you if you question any of this. Dismissive and degrading to you.

If I don't do this then he isn't really interested. Does this really sound like what a loving partner would say? Nope. Sorry, imho, he doesn't love you. He loves micromanaging you.

Does he put you down in other ways? The little stab in the heart (your gut knows) comments that you may have trained yourself to ignore just because? What you choose to eat? Your shoes worn/scuffed a little to much? The shows you like to watch? Anything is fair game. This may be evidence of a campaign of Death By Ten Thousand Cuts, again about superiority. These little digs are insidious because they are petty by themselves so it is very easy to be accused of being too sensitive if you complain. But don't discount them: they will destroy your self esteem and can lead to a serious depression that may take years to recover.

I agree: do not marry him. This can not possibly go the distance. Skip the divorce and don't marry him in the first place.