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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to want to know why?

6 replies

NothingRhymesWithOrange · 16/06/2017 16:10

Backstory: I’ve been single for nearly seven years. Honestly can’t remember the last time I went on a date – maybe two years ago. It’s rare for me to meet men I find attractive who are single, straight, looking for a relationship, etc, etc – so when I met a guy online who seemed lovely, I was chuffed.

We spoke for about a month (email, texts) before we met up – this was largely because we were each away for a week for work. When we finally met up, we had a lovely evening – lots to talk about, lots of chemistry etc. Kissed at the end of the date – all good.

We both agreed that night that we’d like to meet up again, then again by text a couple of days later. We tentatively arranged a second date (along the lines of ‘shall we see what the weather’s like at the weekend?’) – then I got a nasty bout of flu which meant I had to cancel. Another week went by, another date arranged – then he got flu...another date arranged, but he was still ill.

Third week – I suggested a couple of dates and he said things like ‘that sounds great, I’ll need to check my diary at work’ and ‘I think I might be seeing friends that day’. I left it up to him to come back to me.

By the start of the fourth week, he still hadn’t come back to me – and by this point, the frequency of the messages had dwindled, so I assumed he wasn’t interested anymore / had met someone else. Prior to this, we’d been messaging every evening.

After a few days, he sent me a message and asked if I was ok. We ended up having a conversation about communication styles / frequencies etc, and he reiterated that he was very interested and would love to meet up again. I replied ‘Great – let me know when you’re free – how about x or x’

That was two weeks ago!

Since then, he’s sent me a few messages which I’ve replied to but I haven’t suggested any more dates or mentioned meeting up again. I feel like if he wanted to see me, he’d make the effort to find out when he’s free and suggest some dates. He seemed really really keen, and now, this.

AIBU to wonder WTF? To block him? To ask him what's going on?

Yes, he’s just a bloke I’ve met once, and two months ago I didn’t know he existed – but as I mentioned, it’s really rare for me to meet someone I like....

Disclaimer: I have anxiety and have had a really really shitty week so judgement may be skewed. Please be kind!

OP posts:
NothingRhymesWithOrange · 16/06/2017 16:11

Oh, and given the frequency of his previous messages, I don’t think a girlfriend / wife is a possibility. Might be wrong though.

OP posts:
HildaOg · 16/06/2017 16:43

Attached men can spend a lot of time on their phones so the frequency is no indication.

It's sounds like you both fell out of the pace and lost interest.

KeyChange · 16/06/2017 16:54

Possibly married? Beware of short notice dates - means his other half has made plans so he's at loose end.

Laura9867 · 16/06/2017 16:59

Totally relate to being single for what feels like forever!

Sounds like he's not that interested. Could possibly be seeing someone new or married etc. Who knows with OLD Confused

I think try to forget about him and ignore future messages. If he really wanted to see you he'd make the effort.

Donttouchthethings · 16/06/2017 17:09

Just a thought but... if a guy contacts you after a break and invites you out and you reply, "... Let me know when you're free...", or similar, it could sound like you're deflecting the invitation?? (Just a suggestion though - difficult to say from the post - it just occurred to me from what you've written.)

Overall though, it sounds like there's something blocking the pair of you getting together. If he's not very shy, it could well be another woman. If it's not another woman, I think I'd leave it anyway - that kind of passivity could be an ongoing problem in a relationship.

I'd say, enjoy the experience for what it was and keep looking.

NothingRhymesWithOrange · 16/06/2017 17:39

Thanks to everyone who's replied.

I totally agree - don't want this kind of passivity in a relationship. Even if he's just busy, he doesn't seem like someone who has time to date just now.

I think I just hate not knowing the answers to things Smile

OP posts:
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