Dating again - when to mention separated/divorced

[DivorceDating]

Hello, I'm waiting for my divorce to come through after years of an abusive relationship and marriage. I'm been so happy to be free since we split and he left and feel ready to date again. Done lots of work with the local domestic abuse charity to make sure I'm ok and in a good place. I'd love to meet someone who would just be kind to me instead of daily verbal abuse and worse.

I've been chatting to someone online and we are meeting up in a couple of weeks for a drink. When do I mention that I'm separated and waiting for my divorce to be finalised? It's being dealt with by my solicitor it's just a case of getting it through now. No kids, no assets to split, straight forward.

I don't want to make a big deal of it but I also don't want him to think I've hidden it or I didn't mention it soon enough. It's not on my dating profile. Any advice very welcome.

I'm in the same situation as you OP. To be honest, I have mentioned it during the messaging stage as there is the usual "what's your situation?" conversation early on.

I don't make a big deal out of it, it's no one else business I just say I've been separated 2 1/2 yrs, live alone but the divorce isn't yet finalised. there's no reason to go into any more detail than that with what is essentially a stranger.

I'm of the opposite view - I don't see that it's relevant to mention at this stage at all.
Your divorce is in progress and will be sorted in due course.
You are "advertising yourself" (for want of a better phrase - sorry!) as single - which you are in all ways except for a piece of paper which is coming.

Oh - and hope it goes well x

My online dating profile states that I'm separated, I don't feel the need to discus it with potential dates unless they ask.

When I was in your shoes I always waited until they'd gotten to know me a bit and I knew I was interested in pursuing a relationship with them. I was terrified as I was separated and in the process of divorcing in my late 20s and I felt it would be a complete deal breaker to most men but actually in reality no one cared.

I'm always upfront in the messaging stage and I expect people to be upfront with me. If I found out on a date when they hadn't mentioned it at messaging stage despite me asking their situation, I would wonder if they were really separated at all because I would question their honesty.

It's also a good idea because for some people it's a dealbreaker. Better get that out of the way before wasting a date.

I would exspect a man to tell me fairly early on. As I usually do the whole "so what is your situation" conversation early on.

Not a fan of men who have very very rescently come out of a marrige in general if I am honnest.

So if I am having these conversations it would only be natural for me to tell my story also.

I really don't think it's their business to be honest. I mean, it it came up in conversation, just say separated X about of time.

Divorce/separation really is no big deal. Most people over a certain age have probably been married and obviously divorced to be online dating.

To the poster who has their status as separated, WTF? You are single, end of. I mean that in a nice way. Marriage, long term relationship, it's all the same.

My partner was still in his divorce when we met, and for another 3 years after until it finally ended. I mean it was stresssful head ache but it's just what comes with adult life.

Thanks everyone. I'm early 30s and am still worried how it looks! The relationship had been over for a long time but until recently we were living together. Don't want to scare blokes off but also don't want to have to discuss it with some random person I'll only go on one date with.

Think my plan is go for the drink, see if there's a mutual interest then mention it on the next date if the conversation goes that way. Does that seem sensible and ok?

What if they ask you straight out what your situation is? If you say you're single and then on date two (or 3,4,5..) they're going to feel lied to. You don't have to talk about your ex, just "ive been separated for x time" and move on. Otherwise you're making an issue of it and they'll wonder why you hid it, whether you're being honest and what else you're hiding.

@HildaOg yes definitely if it comes up I'd be honest about everything. It hasn't yet and I wasn't sure if I should mention it unprompted or whether that was turning it into somethings it's not.

I would be angry if a man presented himself as single when he was still legally married, no matter what the story was, no matter how close the finalization. Just tell me, so I can decide if I am interested in dating a man in that situation or not.