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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused

16 replies

Gideonsangel123 · 16/06/2017 00:41

Please help me out here as I'm confused,wanted a horse for ages now, I had them growing up and always said to my husband that I'd like another one, I've been looking at horse and pony ads with his knowledge and started buying bits and bobs, we went to a rescue centre and he encouraged me to ask about rehoming a horse from there, he's just told me we can't really have one, he said money's not the problem, he just doesn't want to be tied, he's encouraged me for over a year now and I feel that he's lied to me and it's hurt me and made me feel stupid as he's even let me tell friends about it, I got upset and started to cry, I have some money coming to me so he doesn't actually have to put his hand in his own pocket, we don't have a joint bank account and I get five pounds a week pocket money, he goes abroad twice a year with his friends, I've been upset all day, I just can't get around the fact that he's led me on and then let me down and he can't see why I'm upset, I feel so stupid and pathetic, he lied to me and it's as though it's nothing and it doesn't matter, we've had arguments before and he always blames me and will not apologise for anything, I know it's not the end of the world but I'm so hurt, he says I'm too old for all this but I'm only fifty six, I feel such a pathetic loser.

OP posts:
CondensedMilkSarnies · 16/06/2017 00:45

You get £5 a week pocket money ?

HerOtherHalf · 16/06/2017 00:45

What do you mean you get 5 pounds pocket money? Is that all the cash you have access to?

CondensedMilkSarnies · 16/06/2017 00:48

Have you got somewhere to keep the horse ?

user1497403588 · 16/06/2017 03:26

Reported

Guavaf1sh · 16/06/2017 07:36

This makes no sense at all

Gideonsangel123 · 16/06/2017 07:49

There are plenty of places nearby to keep a horse and yes that is all the money I have access to, what hurts the most is that he lied and he thinks that I should just suck it up and get a grip.

OP posts:
pog100 · 16/06/2017 08:15

If the only money you have free access to is that £5, then the horse is not your main problem. You should have equal input into major purchase decisions and sole input into minor decisions. Something is very very wrong in your perception of your position. Do you want to talk more?

Topseyt · 16/06/2017 08:20

Sounds like he is financially controlling you. I guess he does so in other ways too.

Gideonsangel123 · 16/06/2017 08:28

If I try talking to him about his behaviour he just shouts, blames me and can ignore me for days on end, I know that this is abuse but he says he's looking after the finances, reading this back some of you must think I'm a complete dickhead, I've let this behaviour go on for so long that I don't know how to start rectifying it.

OP posts:
AnxietyForever · 16/06/2017 08:32

£5 a week POCKET money? Are you a child???

Gideonsangel123 · 16/06/2017 08:45

I have mental health problems, anxiety,OCD and other problems, I don't know where to start claiming back my life, I feel so worthless.

OP posts:
Guavaf1sh · 16/06/2017 09:25

I don't think getting a horse is a way to start. As pog said the horse is not the main problem. I wish you well in getting back on track and solving these issues in your life. Forget the horse

WifeyFish · 16/06/2017 09:32

I totally agree with others that the horse is not the main issue, but I also wanted to add that if you literally only have £5 a week available to you you're not really financially in a position to own a horse.

Could you look at volunteering at an RDA centre? This would not only help you get your horsey fix but would also help you gain some independence away from your H.

Jayfee · 16/06/2017 09:34

Take tiny steps to claim your life back...if you really want to.

AnyFucker · 16/06/2017 09:37

Leave the horse for now.

I think you need to seek some RL help to extricate yourself from a controlling relationship. Start with your GP. Ask for a medication review to ensure you are as well as you can be. Do you have a MH support worker ? Explore that.

Talk to your family/friends about how you are being forced to live. Ring Women's Aid for their perspective.

You are an adult and worthy of trust in your own life.

Racmactac · 16/06/2017 09:44

Forget the horse, you have bigger stuff to worry about.
£5!!!! Wtf. Contact woman's aid or leave the wanker

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