Is cheating ever justified?

[Helpmegetthisoutmymind]

Just that really. Was chatting to a friend who was considering cheating. I was against other friend was for. Things got a little heated.
I said there's no excuse. My husband wouldn't cheat regardless Other friend says it's pretty much a given that cheating happens and men do it all the time as it's so easy to do these days etc. Pretty much laughed at me for thinking my husband doesn't cheat or message other women.
It's made me a little paranoid about my own relationship. And I'm wondering if I'm stupid to think he doesn't cheat.
I suppose if my husband did cheat it would be justified to my friend as I don't dress up or sext or do anything like that. We have kids a newborn and a business to run. I just don't have time and I'm too tired to do anything exciting in the bedroom just yet.
Do men cheat so quickly when they don't get it at home? husband recently went to Amsterdam for a day with the lads and she said it was certain he went to a prostitute and that's the only reason he went. She laughed at me. Called me stupid.
Feel a bit sad. Sorry for the rambling.

it's so easy to do these days etc.

I would say the opposite, modern technology makes discovering texts, messages, emails, locations etc is a lot easier to discover peoples cheating.

I don't think it's ever justified, but I also think it's naive to think that our partners are not capable of cheating.

I don't think it is ever justified.

I used to think pretty much everyone was honest and loyal. These days I think the loyal ones are rare. People are shit.

She laughed at you for having faith in your husband's ability to be faithful? wow. I'm not married but if I ever were it'd be to somebody who valued me enough to know that if he cheated it'd be the end.

I do (sadly) think that that is a factor in men's fidelity. Sometimes they know they have too much to lose and sometimes they know they could explain it all away because wife has low self-esteem, is too invested, is financially locked in............. I think if a man knows his partner values herself very highly and won't tolerate being cheated on, then it does have a conscious or unconscious effect.

I did cheat once though, after four years in a long boring stifling relationship. I didn't love the man i slept with butit gave me the courage to end the dead relationship and I did that within a week. So I agree that cheating doesn't make you ''evil scum'' as I've read here.

Just my opinion but I think it's never justified to cheat.
You leave the person or try to work out your differences, you don't just cheat.

I also believe that either man or woman will cheat if they aren't happy with their sex life/relationship, even though there's no justification.

Some people cheat, just because they have the opportunity, stag or mans holiday.

I think your friend has quite shallow relationships with men

The honerable thing is to end the relationship and then date a different person

Never justified.

Like another poster above, my thoughts went to abusive relationships. I know somebody who had an affair with a man who gave her the strength to leave and a safe place to go to. Years later, she said she still should not have cheated, she should have found other ways to get support.

I didn't cheat on my abusive husband, although I'm sure he cheated on me. In fact, even after I left? it took me a long time to accept that he had invalidated the marriage vows by being abusive, and that I wasn't bound by them any more.

No it's not justified, If you aren't happy in your relationship then leave.

Blimey, define "justified"...

I certainly don't think it means people are "bad" if they have cheated. I've known too many people I really like who've cheated on partners to think that any more.

I think there are also very many, very complicated reasons people do it. Does an understandable reason "justify" it? It's quite a human thing to do, presumably, since it's so common. I also think welove to delude ourselves about our relationships ("it could never happen to us") because it feels good - but any form of certainty is a delusion. When we lose certainty after having been cheated on, I think it's just the delusion breaking down. The certainty was never there in the first place.

On the other hand, your friend does sound like she's trying to undermine a good relationship, OP. Let it bounce off you, and hang out with someone else.

You need to get more intelligent friends, they sound like a right pair.

Of course cheating isn't justified, there is always the option to leave before you choose the route of deceit and make no mistake, cheating is always a choice.

How stupid is your friend, that she thinks sexting insulates her from being cheated on, why are you listening to these idiots?

Not RTFT but imo there can be factors that lead to cheating but they are not excuses. Possible scenario where cheating is justified where maybe a partner has dementia or such and it's "technically" cheating but the situation is lonely and unable to go back. There are probably other situations too I guess.

I think women can be just as bad as men for cheating, if not worse.
Some of my female friends love getting male attention on a night out and wouldn't think twice about having a drunken snog with a stranger (they are all married or dating). I don't agree with it but I can't judge too harshly as I've cheated on an ex in the past myself. We had stopped having any intimacy together for over a year (his choice) and it was destroying my self esteem so I strayed with someone from work. I ended things with my ex shortly afterwards and can hand on heart say I would never cheat on anyone again, regardless of the circumstances. It made me feel really awful and wasn't worth it.

Thank you everyone for your comments. Feeling much better now.

I don't know if it's justified but I guess sometimes everything lines up and just happens. Also statistics about infidelity show it's more common than we think it is, and this applies to both men and women

Justified... NO
Understandable... sometimes to a degree.
I honestly think more people chat than is recognised. Not all obv but alot.
I dont think its ever right to cheat but I do think sometimes theres a reason. Its never the right answer though