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Original poster

My Friend's Being Cheated On - Advice

14 replies

user1497541302 · 15/06/2017 16:59

Hi Everyone

I'm hoping for a bit of advice. One of my best friends is getting married in 2 months and we recently went abroad for her hen do. Whilst there, the brides cousin and another of my best friends sat up one night drinking. The cousin got quite upset and blurted out to my friend that the brides husband to be has been cheating on her. She mentioned 2 people - a neighbour and another cousin (the cousin who was there's sister). I think my friend was that stunned that she never dug a bit deeper and therefore hasn't confirmed when, whats and where. The next morning the cousin (when sober) apologised to my friend for having to tell her. We have been back a week now and my friend has been trying to reach out to the cousin to confirm details but she is being hesitant (I think she's realised she has said too much). My friend confided in me at the start of the week as it was making her ill as she didn't know what to do. We are both torn. I saw my friend (the bride) the other day for dinner and I felt I couldn't look at her and when she mentioned her partners name I felt so awkward. As she's getting married in 2 months it feels like the worse time to say anything. I really don't know whats best. Do we tell her we've heard some rumours but haven't saw anything ourselves or do we just keep schtum?

Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 15/06/2017 17:11

FGS you need to tell her.

SomeKindOfGenius · 15/06/2017 17:13

Definitely tell her, better now than when she's married the idiot.
Poor girl deserves the truth, if it is the truth of course.

magoria · 15/06/2017 17:13

I would rather know before the wedding.

Two months before is a good time to get it out. It could be postponed until the bride got to the bottom of things.

To go in blind and then have lots of people who 'knew' and were sitting there on the day would be bloody awful.

user1495832265 · 15/06/2017 17:16

In these type of situations I often think it's best to stay out of it.
However, not this time.
She needs to know.

onesilencetoofar · 15/06/2017 17:50

I would usually say keep out of it but in this case I think she needs to know. How awful.

Underthemoonlight · 15/06/2017 17:52

I would tell her I think it's the only decent thing to do.

Changedname3456 · 15/06/2017 17:55

As pp have said. If this were post-marriage you'd be better off staying out of it.

But she needs to commit based on the full truth - there are so many added financial and emotional costs to her when (and it probably would be when and not if) she finds out after marrying him. Plus, it's not like you can dismiss it as a one-off, cold feet fling. It's at least two women.

BigSunglasses00 · 15/06/2017 18:09

Sorry but you have to tell her. I understand that it's painful and awkward and probably scary, but she's about to make a massive commitment and deserves to know what she's getting herself into.

If she finds out a couple of years down the line that he hasn't been faithful and she's then tied to him legally, financially, and maybe by children, she'll be devastated. If she also realizes that her best friends knew prior to her getting married and chose not to say anything and let her go ahead it will be infinitely more awful.

I know that it feels like the worst time to say anything, but imagine how it will feel if she comes to you a year from now devastated because she's found out he's cheated. You won't be able to live with yourself.

It's a sucky situation to be in, I'm sorry. Sad

Elland · 15/06/2017 18:19

What an awful position to be in but not as awful as the girl who will marry the bastard thinking he's faithful and a good guy.

I would get her to meet both you and your friend ASAP and explain exactly what was said and let her go and speak to her cousin.

WinchestersInATardis · 15/06/2017 19:08

Tell her. She would want to know.

Emboo19 · 15/06/2017 19:45

I couldn't not tell my friend and if I found out they suspected my partner of cheating and hadn't said anything, it would seriously damage our friendship.

It's horrible, but tell her what you know/have heard and say you'll support her whatever the outcome.

TheNaze73 · 15/06/2017 21:37

If it was an acquaintance I might be inclined to say leave it but, friends are so important & you need to tell them

Zoflorabore · 15/06/2017 21:41

Why was the cousin telling your other friend and not you? That's how it sounded, sorry if I got it wrong it's just when you described your friend not asking further questions etc, you didn't mention if/what you had said.

I agree with pp that i would tell my friend the truth, what a shit he is!

HildaOg · 15/06/2017 23:26

You should tell your friend everything you know and have heard. That's what friends are for. You should be on her side. Not covering for him.

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