Should we give money.....

[Wingedharpy]

to a relative who gave up his job?
He resigned several months ago as he was stressed (public service job).
He has a partner who works part-time to save on child care costs - he was the major earner.
They have 4 young children.
I know, via her Mum, that they are struggling financially, and she has asked her Mum for money to help them through until he gets a new job (has one lined up for later in the year apparently).
While I have some sympathy for him, it's his partner and 4 children that I sympathise with most.
I have not been asked for any money - it's just that her Mum and I were discussing this situation a few days ago and I have thought since about just sending them a cheque to help them out a bit.
Would you do it? or, will he never learn if people bail him out all the time?
He did this once before but got another job fairly quickly.

I wouldn't , it's different if he lost his job , but to give it up with no job to go to is ridiculous when you have a family to support .

I wouldn't. She could go full time. He could work. Why would you give them money?

I suppose, ImperialBlether, because we can afford it and they are struggling.
I don't know that she could go full time as her employer may not feel too happy about giving her full time hours only to have to reduce it again to part-time when he does get another job.
I agree that it is very foolish to give up a job without having another one to go to particularly when you have dependents.
He did say he did it to save his sanity (but in the meantime, I'm sure it's not helped hers).
He is my relative but she and their children are the ones I feel for.
I am torn between head and heart.

I think if you're not going to miss the money too much then it would be a kind and helpful gesture.

I've only walked out on a job once (and that was pre-kids) but if I hadn't I think I really would have lost it. The thought of going to work made me physically ill and it got to the stage that I just couldn't go in. It was truly one of the (but, unfortunately for me, not THE) worst periods of my life to date.

I don't think people understand unless they've gone through it themselves. It's not shirking. Please help them if you can manage to.

Why don't you ask her if she'd like to come shopping with you, then do a big supermarket shop for her? That would be really nice of you.

It's hard, it could be that he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown (and a dad with problems that would result would be much worse for the kids than a few months on the breadline)
If I could afford it with no detriment to my self I probably would as a one off. I might also buy some treats or a day out for the kids.

Thanks for all your opinions.
I think, having come from a fairly poor (financially) background myself and seeing my Mum struggle to keep afloat, the conversation with her Mum has stayed with me.
Thankfully, I have been very fortunate in many ways in my adult life, so DH and I could afford to give them a one off donation/gift.
I can't take her shopping as we live at opposite ends of the country.
I did think about some sort of day out for the kids but wondered if that would just add more pressure on the parents -"can we have ice cream, Mummy?" - that sort of thing.
That's why I felt money would be a better gift so they can use it to pay the gas bill, put towards the mortgage, supermarket shop or treat the kids - whatever works for them.
I will do it.
Thanks for helping me decide.

My dh had to give up his job through depression..He had a very well paid professional job..l would hate anyone to think he was a dosser. Luckly we had our mortgage paid andwe can survive on my salary but our household is back 100000 a year. But if youre ill youre ill . I would help his wife maybe with supermarket vouchers or cash. Its not her fault. At one stage when dh finished first l was overwhelmed with the financial situation as obviously we had to completely change our lifestyle. Two different people gave me generous donations which really helped not only from an economic point of view but from that feeling of being supported in difficult times.
My dh had always been extremely generous and bailed out a few people over the years. So you never know when that generousity will come back.

I agree about speaking to her and maybe giving her the money or buying something she and the kids need and not involving him.

Who just jacks in a job without having back up savings to support their large family until they have another lined up!?