i am disgusted with myself ,,,I don't know what to do anymore..

[66Ally22]

Where do I start...
I am 51 years old I live in a rural setting no friends no neighbours
I have 3 girls and one boy...My two eldest girls are married and happy
My son is leaving home soon to join the army something he has always wanted
to do..I am pleased for them ...My youngest daughter was a troubled teen
and wanted to grow up before her time..she didn't want to go to school and
said she want to do hair dressing, I helped her out and got all the information
and she started the course,,I thought that is it she will settle down, 3 months later
she told us she was pregnant she was 17 years old..the father was 19, I supported
them both and they came to live in my house ..at that time my husband was going through
a really bad time in work and come home daily in a terrible mood i couldnt do nothing
right he was shouting at me to the point i was scared...but i washed it off as the baby
was coming ...when she came along it was wonderful, I put all my time into her washing
cleaning making bottles was a baby sitting ..I totally loved it, but the weekends were hard
she went to her other nana's house and it left myself and my husband...it was awful the rows the shouting
he was impossible ..he would snatch the keys off me so i couldnt leave ...in about 2012 he had cancer and was very
ILL i supported him and my daughter with the child untill he was better ..then he decided to take a job over seas,
it meant i wouldnt see him for 6 months at a time my daughter had then moved out to her place and
i thought all was well but she wasnt, the child was two and both parents were to young to realease
you cant spend all day in bed with a child I stepped in and told them both to get it together and sort it out
my daughter was crying i cant cope so i said ok move back home and we will sort..she was nasty she wouldnt do anything
no washing no cooking nothing she would lay in her bed all day long and stay awake all night, both of them started
going out and the relationship broke down,so she moved in with me permentally it was only for the sake of my grand daughter
I put up her, she abused me daily screaming at calling me names I thought it must be me..to move the story forward abit we are now
in 2016 my grand daughter goes to school and is very happy, my husband is working aboard i dont see him for 6 months
my daughter is still livng at home and still to this day sleeps all day and wakes most of the night, i spend the time
with my grand daughter, at the weekends my grand daughter goes to stay with her dad and it leaves my daughter free
it is the only time she is awake from 4pm to get ready to go out,going back to last year my son wasnt home and it left
my daughter and myself, it was at this time i started playing poker on face bookand talking to people, didnt mean anything
it pasted time and time i had so much of, One weekend she asked me for a lend of my car save you driving me into town she said
i said ok and she took car and came back the next day, then it was every weekend she would leave on friday and not return until
Monday..ihad no one to talk to and then chatted to a guy in poker, i didnt think anything of it but two days later he sent me a message
saying it isnt safe to chat in face book and open a skype account like a fool I did, we chatted about life and his broken marriages,
he asked me for a picture and untill i die i dont know why i did it but i sent him a picture of my daughter and pretended to be her,
he was 51 also and he thought i was 25 years, anyway he found out after i told him i didnt want to talk to him anymore, and i thought
that was the end of it, he became abusive and threathing and what he would do to my family and he would tell my daughter about it all,
of course i begged him not to and he did, she went really crazy and i cant blame her i tried to explain i was lonely and this guy was
just to chat to, he started sending what was suppose to be copies of our chat but he had changed it all and it was sexual,, i told her
i didnt write all that but she was screaming me your a whore trap slut and wait till i tell my father, but she didnt and i asked her
please don't as we been through enough, i told her i didnt speak to him anymore ..but then she started talking to him for a week or so and
every now and then she come to me and call me names treat me like dirt,,make me tea give me cigs etc, i felt so low i had to do it all,
cooking cleaning washing looking after my grand daughter everything was 10 times worse, Then last Saturday night i woke up with chest pains
and no one was home so I waited untill the morning had a shower and thought it would go away, by sunday after noon my daughter came home
and i told her and she said so what you telling me for, so i rang after hour doctors and they said i need an ambulance, i rang my husband
and he told my daughter to go with me, which she did on the way in ambulance they gave me an asprin and spray under my tongue and I felt so
much better, when we got into the hospital I told them i feel better and i did alot, so they kept me for a few hours and said i can go home
but if im not feeling well again call the ambulance again, when we left the hospital i asked her if she could get the car and drive it nearer
as i didnt feel i could walk that far, she looked at me and said f**king walk all is wrong with you is your to fat, i didnt say anything
just walked behind her trying to stop crying ..telling myself it was my own fault im in this position ....when i got to the car she said im hungry
lets go to mcdonalds i said ok, she ordered her stuff and mines and said your card plz you can pay, I paid it and we drove home, she said what a
waste of my time, i went to bed and didnt sleep so good as the palputations were annoying me, The next morning i heard her getting the child ready
for school and she went off in my car, when she got back she stormed into my room and started calling me names again, and slammed down and went to her
room, my son had come in at this point but missed her shouting at me, he talked to me for a while then went to his room, about 10 mins later
she came back into my room and said give me a cig, i had enough and said no i wont,,,she snatched my cigs and i stood up toget them back then she punched
me in the face, she went of my room and was screaming your a slut a whore my son came out and asked what was going on and she told him
he came into my room and i told him what id done and she also then came in, he calmed her down and said i deserved to get a smack for what i did,
today i was told they are going to the fun place after my grand daughter finishes school and Im not welcome, she took my car and went off,i am at a point
of not knowing what to do, i dont excuse what i done as it was wrong but to me it wasnt an affair, i didnt meet this person in life just online
and it was only coz i was lonely,,,,,,i am so sorry i used her picture and i cant change it ...i dont know any more how to cope with all this.......

[takeaweeseat]

You need to stop feeling so guilty about speaking to the arsehole online. You made a silly mistake, so what?

Get your car keys, get your daughter out of your house, that might put some manners on her, ungrateful little bitch that she is. She'll not be long grovelling when she realises she has to rear her own child and won't be able to lie in bed all day.

If she assaults you again, call the police. She sounds like the type of person who will with-hold your grand-daughter from you. Don't let her blackmail you, just say OK, that's your choice. There's no way she'll stay away when reality sinks in.