Vasectomy

[Cromie]

I'd really like to hear any comments people may have in relation to the following:
I'm 46 and have been married to my wife (who I love to bits) for 13 years. we have 2 children, 12 and 7, each of who have special needs.

Up to recently my wife had the mirena coil fitted until recently when she had it removed to help with some research.
It was removed in Feb of this year and since then she has said that she does not want any more children - which I understand and agree with.
She has stated previously that she does not completely trust any other form of contraception, I.e. Condoms and has, therefore, employed abstinence as the primary birth control method and there has been very little intimacy between us for the last ~7 months.
About 3 weeks ago she suggested that I look into getting a vasectomy which is something I said I would do earlier this year but was told not to bother at that time,
I am due to have a consultation in the next couple of weeks.
The things I am concerned about are essentially the risks I have read that are / may be associated with vasectomies, e.g chronic testicular pain, possible increased prostrate cancer and heart disease risk.
I can understand her wish not to become pregnant and to a certain extent the reason for her defaulting to abstinence but this has not been replaced with any other form of intimacy between us and so it is difficult for me to determine whether that aspect of our relationship would improve if I had a vasectomy as this would go some way for me to offset the possible risks that come with it.

She has always been the one to take the responsibility for birth control and I feel that the time has come that I should do my part but the long term risks do concern me, particularly if the status quo in terms of the intimacy in our relationship were to continue.
That said I also know that abstinence so far in our relationship has not been easy for either of us (no surprise perhaps that it has been more difficult for me) It makes me feel rather alone and unwanted - we do have an immaculately clean house though!?

I have mentioned this to her and she has said that she would revert to the mini pill or similar and that I should cancel the consultation which I have not done as I intend to discuss the medical aspect further when I go.

I guess essentially what I'm asking is:
Are my concerns re (long term) health risks well founded?
Would a vasectomy serve to improve our relationship and be likely to improve the intimate aspect of our relationship?

That said I'd like to get any other comments that people may have.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I was trying to decide if this was a spoof post like that chap on twitter who is ironic in his statements to do with gender roles. But I think it's genuine. Your DW has taken the responsibility and the health risks for years why on earth wouldn't you now take some of this? Did she weigh these up so thoroughly? What about being pregnant and child birth and the risks with that? Honest, just go and get the snip.

I had the snip a few years back. I don't even remember the risk of chronic pain being mentioned. I've had no pain since. Maybe I'm lucky. Just my 2p...

I had it done about 7 years ago - The consultant did mention the risk of chronic pain, but it certainly wasn't presented as high as 20%! Apart from some swelling in first couple of weeks (probably self inflicted as I went back to sports too soon after), I have never had a problem.

I had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. The pain and swelling lasted a few days, I also had some general left testicular discomfort on and off for a year.
Everything has settled now.

Done about 8 years ago, testicular cancer 6 years ago.

Not linked apparently, and not going to lie, the snip is nothing compared to orchidectomy and chemo...

Get the snip done, you won't miss having to worry about more children....

I'm booked for my NHS consult and with the waiting times I've had plenty of time to do some research.
I've made some observations:
1: There are as many stats out there as there are pro/con agendas.
2: The NHS figure of 10% is shockingly high for what is touted as a minor procedure.
3: A major contributor to the 10% figure is the method whereby both ends of the tubes are sealed. (This is a topic on its own.)
4:There is always someone on any vasectomy site who has a bad story. My sympathy to them, but take them with a pinch of salt, you never hear about the good ones, because it went well.
5: The risk assessment for a vasectomy is wrong. The reason you are getting the snip is so that your partner does need take precautions or face pregnancy.

So my advice is go look at pregnancy risks, tubal litigation risks, risks from the pill IUD etc. and compare it to the snip. As far as I can see only one person has died from the snip and that was due to infection. How many women routinely die in birth, get torn, stretched, stitched, lose libido?
As an individual, I've no desire to get snipped, but as someone who has watched his DW go through three deliveries and family man watching the bank balance, well my consult is booked. (And if I cancel my DW will be very "disappointed") And yes I am nervous and hope it all goes well.

I will however, be asking a few pointed questions , for an open ended procedure, and what to do if you have a problem and need help in a hurry.

I was sterilized at the age of 29, many years ago. I didn't want DH to have a vasectomy . I don't understand why more women don't do it, I wanted to be in charge of my own fertility, plus I'm braver than he is and make less fuss.

I went private, DH found the money surprisingly quickly. It was easy and no problems since.

Post vasectomy sex is brilliant.

I took medications to prevent pregnancy. I had children. I'd done my bit. My DP took himself off to the doctors as he thought it was his turn.

We now have brilliant sex with no worry about side effects. I love him more for stepping up and not bleating.

Dh got his a few weeks ago. Tender for a couple of days. A little swelling and bruising but not too bad. No pain or discomfort now. All I need is for this bloody mirena coil to get removed and we'll be sorted! (Its gone awol and i need surgery to get it removed )

No the risks are very much not always fully explained re vasectomy.

I know most folk are fine, but I am happy with my DH not having it done or wanting to. We use condoms though and are happy with that, which I know doesn't suit everyone.

Tbh if we did want to do something more permanent I think I'd be happier with sterilisation than him having a vasectomy. If you end up in that 10% (or more, it seems) it can have a devastating effect. I do remember reading TheFuzz's posts on it and they've definitely affected my opinion.

My DH had the snip 20 years ago. We had 2 kids and I was unwell with every contraception I tried. I'd had 2 awful pregnancies and long labours and anaemic after blood loss during delivery so he stepped up and took responsibility for it all. Never had any problems after surgery and has never regretted it at all. He was 26 at the time.

I don't know any actual cases of chronic pain. My dh will be getting it when we are done because he recognises that hormones have side effects too and pregnancy and childbirth is not a walk in the park, with complications and side effects, if you want to use those terms. Personally it was over 2 months after giving birth before I could go for a proper walk (or half an hour not 10km). So I think a little bit of recovery time is a small price for him to pay.

Timeisnotaline, well done on your long range planning. I'm glad we did too, otherwise the "I'm off the pill and it is condoms or the snip" conversation would have been a nasty shock, maybe spoiling the joy of the new arrival.
Mousemoose, I hope my DW reads your post, talk about incentives. :)