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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm always saying the wrong thing....too negative

6 replies

Picklemuncher · 14/06/2017 21:17

How do I stop myself? I have been quite isolated the last few years so haven't had enough practice socially but I find I always end up saying something negative or too self-deprecating in every conversation. I don't mean to, and I probably sound peeved when I say things, and I can tell it puts people off. And yet.....I keep popping out with the wrong things... For example, talking to another mum I complained about how long the summer break was going to be with me having both children picking at each other all summer. I didn't mean to go that way but there it was. Or people will compliment something and I will have to make a complaint about whatever it is, like I cannot just take the good comment and leave it.

I am probably AS as both my children are diagnosed and throughout most of my life I have said things that were probably too blunt. I have toned down my bluntness and polished my social skills a bit (having kids with AS I have attended lots of social skills classes with them, so the classes have helped me as well, lol). I am trying really hard to follow the 'rules' but my stupid negativity always comes out.

How do I stop my mouth before my brain engages? Does anyone else have this problem of being too negative but not wanting to be? Can't seem to stop this terrible habit and I hate it.

OP posts:
Intransige · 14/06/2017 21:19

I can relate to this! I found it a lot easier once I realised that small talk isn't actually about what you think. It's like a dance, you learn the moves and then perform it.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/06/2017 21:22

I don't have this problem personally, but I know someone who did, and apparently what I told her helped. I told her to ACTIVELY think before she opens her mouth. It seems silly, but it really does work. You need to train yourself to think before you speak. You also should train yourself to simply say "Thank you" when given a compliment. There is no magic pill that will fix this issue for you. It's going to require a lot of self-awareness and forethought.

bowtieandheels · 14/06/2017 21:26

I've found practicing gratitude has really helped me be more positive in my interactions...every morning when you wake up think of 3 things you're so happy and grateful for...even the smallest things. It really helps you feel more positive all day!

HildaOg · 14/06/2017 21:38

Practice what lines you will say when someone complements you, smile and say thank you (or nothing) until you've run what you're going to say through your head. You need to think before you speak and be mentally prepared.

Picklemuncher · 14/06/2017 21:49

Okay, some good advice here. I will have to find a way to slow down my brain to mouth speech in spur of the moment conversations. I am okay with conversation I know will happen. I am going to start volunteering (hopefully) at a local historic attraction soon ( I hope) and will have to really try harder. I have been really isolated, we moved somewhere we didn't know anyone, I don't work for various reasons, and being an autism family doesn't help. Will take suggestions on board.

OP posts:
deste · 14/06/2017 22:48

Next time you go to say something negative, take a breath and find something positive to say instead.

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