needing to relocate family husband not willing

[Jabulani]

I have been recently headhunted for a great role but it means a relocation which my new employer will help financially.
We will have to move our daughter to a new school but she has got her head around that now trhough not happy leaving the only house she can remember she is 10 years old.
However my husband who is retired now is not really helping and being negative - not helped by his eldest, my step son has moved closer to where we are now for his first job after uni

How do I get him to support me (us) rather than dampening what is for me a flattering and exciting move ?

I think I would remind him how you have supported him over the years, and now you expect the same. I assume you are the breadwinner given he is retired. You have an amazing opportunity and you need to take it.

How far are you moving?

Being uprooted can be miserable for those who have to tag along.

How far are you from retirement? Are you thinking of selling the family home or renting it out? Why doesn't your husband want to move? Could you consider leaving your husband and children at home and working away in the week, possibly working from home either Friday or Monday, either permanently or until the next natural point for your daughter to change schools(eleven?).

If this situation was flipped, and your husband had been offered a job further away but you and your daughter didn't want to move, and your son had recently moved near to you, then the advice you would get is to work out how to have him commute or work away during the week.

I agree with Hont

Yeah none of your family is happy. Your daughter is just accepting it as she has no choice. Your choice if you want to upset them all by moving just for your benefit or you could commute.

It might be flattering and exciting but is it necessary? Do you need the extra pay or are you miserable on your current role? I don't think you should love the whole family if not. Negotiate working away during the week.

Oh dear, this is a difficult one. I agree that your daughter moving at aged 10 is no biggie. Lots of children of that age cope with that fine.

Your H is retired. That means his opportunities for making friends and building a fulfilling daily life is limited. You are asking him to leave behind his social support network, his lifestyle and routines and most importantly, his son. That is a very big ask.

But I can also see how important this opportunity is to you. To give that up is also a big ask.

One of you will have to make a big sacrifice and as an outsider without full knowledge of your history and circumstances, I couldn't call which of you that should be.

So, rather than being angry with him for "not supporting you" and pissing on your chips, you need to understand how difficult the move will be for him and have a good think about whether there is anything that both of you could commit to which would make it more bearable for him.

Would you be happy to move away from your child if the situation was reversed?

Child He's an adult who's just graduated Uni ffs!

Yeah, that doesn't mean he has to want to live hours away from him, though!

My Dad and step Mum moved hours away when I was 22. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my Dad not to leave and if he'd even hinted that's why he wasn't going Id have told him to get a grip!

Were your parents both keen to go though?

I agree that it's very exciting for op but could be very hard for her dp if he hasn't even considered it as an option. Being a trailing spouse is hard - particularly if it's not something that's really been discussed

I too think that you should explore a weekly commute.

I can see that the prospect of an unwanted move when you are retired is a bit daunting, as you don't even have the prospect of work to throw yourself into and all your friends/network are inevitably going to be where you are now.