Workplace Bullying

[Vari757]

Hi all, looking for some advice. Hopefully relationships is the correct place.

I was a victim of bullying by a number of people in a previous job and I'm still finding it really hard to get over even though I'm in a different job now. I feel really bitter ans angry to the people who did this to me and made me feel so worthless. I've toyed with the idea of writing them a letter giving them a piece of my mind.

For total clarity I'll explain what went on.
I was working in a jnr sales role for a small/medium size business. I reported into a sales manager, who reported into a sales director and one male co worker who reported into my manager and had the same role as me but different clients.
I was employed in a grad scheme but was ignored by my 2 seniors from day one ans recieved no training at all.

The bullying from all 3 consisted of the following.
Co-worker: insult and belittle me infront of other colleagues out with our team, to the point another man took him aside and told him to stop, delagating tasks in which i had more to do eg. He would want to see clients in the north (2hr drive for him) and he would tell me to do south (22hr round trip and overnight stay) and deliberatly withhold info from seniors from me preventing me from doing my job

Sales manager: worked from home and i would see him fortnightly if i was lucky, ignores my phonecalls, did mot answer my emails, did not approve my sales reports in time for deadline then gave me a written warning for not doing my job correctly.

Sales director: basically same as sales manager but would berrate me in the sales meeting, gave me 0 direction and rolled his eyes and looked away everytime i presented my figures to him. Also gave me a warning for not being good enough.

I ended up leaving for a job that i loved much more but it really still affects my confidence and i still cry about it sometimes when i think about how i was treated. Any thoughts?

So sorry this is still affecting you. I was bullied in my previous job, whilst pregnant. When I had my baby, like you, I felt angry and upset, couldn't stop thinking about it, resulting in PND.
You now have 2 choices, continue allowing this to affect you and consume you, which will impact on your mental health in the long run.
Or you can accept this happened, know there is nothing you can do about it now but take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. I eventually did the second choice after spending too much time on the first.

I would recommend writing a letter firstly to the perpetrators to get this off your chest. Then burn it/bin it.
Look into mindfulness to let go of any further bad feeling.
Then read a book called
Assertiveness: A woman in your own right. It has a grey cover and is an absolutely brilliant read. It has changed my life for the better.
I really feel for you as I remember how I held on to all those feelings and negative thoughts for such a long time. I eventually realised it's not productive though and decided to just make sure it never happens again. Good luck xxx

I've experienced workplace bullying in two separate jobs. Both hugely affected my confidence in and out of work and also affected my career. It's an awful feeling and I felt so helpless and angry that my career was affected which I worked my butt off for. The most recent time, I had the best results of the team (according to stats) but was told my managers who were very cozy with the bullies that my performance wasn't up to scratch and I would never be promoted or have a pay rise. The main bully who I sat next to would sneer every time I tried to start a conversation and roll her eyes at the girl opposite us. She also took credit for most of my work and our manager who was never there just had no idea who did what. It was such a frustrating situation and this one bully in particular was being hugely promoted and rewarded off the back of my work. (Although it soon came to light that she was pretty useless at the thing she claimed to be great at... although that didn't help my situation).

From my experience, there are a couple of things that I've found really important to remember. Firstly, bullying can totally knock your confidence and make you think that there's something wrong with you and that you'll always have problems at work. However, I've had many jobs where I've got on brilliantly with all of my colleagues and really valued by management, so I know that it just totally depends on each job. It can simply be a case that you work in a place with a shitty culture with shitty people and you just have a bit of bad luck in this situation.

Secondly, remember that you don't have to become the person that other people are projecting onto you. It's so easy to start believing all the stuff that people are saying about you and that can make you want to shut yourself away in a meek little box. Everyone else believes the little gossip things and statements about what/who you are, so you start to doubt yourself and wonder if it's all true. So if you're in a situation where people are telling you that you are stupid, boring, unworthy or whatever, just keep sight of who you know you really are. That's not easy when you're on the receiving end of something day in and day out. But for me, keeping a hold of what I know I am, (a nice, interesting, kind person, hard worker, best stats in the team, innovative, fun, creative, ambitious etc) has been really important.

Sometimes you just have a sucky job and the healthiest thing is really just to get your ducks in a row and leave.

So don't let those bullies win! The first time this happened to me, it dented my confidence and massively affected me for a couple of years afterwards. I then had some great jobs and thought I'd fully recovered from the experience, until it happened again several years later. The difference was that after I left that second job, I made a mental note to myself that I wasn't going to give these people any head space at all or let it upset me in any way. I won't dwell on it or let them take more of me than they already have. I've deleted and blocked most of these people from Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram etc. (I was threatened with legal action for putting a portfolio piece on my LinkedIn account, so I knew they were snooping). So just cut them out. Once you've left, they can't control you and they'll have to find something new to bitch about.

So there! :) Sorry for the long post!!

Lots of hugs and good luck to you!

You probably have a case for constructive dismissal against the company. From the gov.uk website:

Constructive dismissal

Constructive dismissal is when you’re forced to leave your job against your will because of your employer’s conduct.

The reasons you leave your job must be serious, for example, they:

don’t pay you or suddenly demote you for no reason
force you to accept unreasonable changes to how you work - eg tell you to work night shifts when your contract is only for day work
let other employees harass or bully you

Your employer’s breach of contract may be one serious incident or a series of incidents that are serious when taken together.

You should try and sort any issues out by speaking to your employer to solve the dispute.

Contact ACAS, they will be able to give you more advise

Hit them with constructive dismissal case, even if you lose it will cause noise with HR and sales department. I once left a job for similar reasons, but not before passing their client database to one of their rivals anonymously.

Thanks for all the responses. It's nice to know it's not just me.

Would a claim be viable now since I've already left. Also being a smaller company HR is just one lady who also isnt the nicest.

A small company will still be a lot of effort going through tribunal if you have evidence all the better, if not they will still have to respond to the claim, however going through the ordeal means you have to be prepared to stand up at some point. Most likely they will offer some cash not to go through it all, and it may alter their behaviour in future.

That's the thing, the only evidence is relying on other colleagues that are still with the business to say yes that happened. Other things like unanswered phonecalls and eye rolling and withholding info may be more difficult.
I'm not bothered about cash tbh I just want them to know how they made me feel.
I was going through a lot at the time as well, my dad had a stroke, was buying a home and dealing with a previous landlord stealing from us ( another story) so the stress was too much and I believe it nearly pushed me to being mentally ill

Might be best to walk away from it as it will drag you through it again, their loss onwards and upwards and all that.

Preserve your energy and walk away from it