Anyone up who can talk me through this?

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

I split with partner a week ago. Relationship had died. He initiated but I agreed to split. All ok. Relationship at times had become quite abusive. Full on character assassinations telling me I'm shit at my job, crap mother you know the script. I tolerated it because he was v stressed. I thought it would get better. It didn't.

I have been quite fearful since then as I knew dds would be quite upset about him moving out. They are but not as much as I thought. Until today exp has been v affectionate cuddling me and being very kind. Tonight he snapped and reverted in to me nasty saying everyone leaves me because I'm so horrible and how could he stand it so long etc etc. I thought it would be a peaceful goodbye umm a bit confused about what us happened

Aw I am sorry you are in this situation xx I know there will be more knowledgeable people along in a moment but I just wanted to say you are not alone x he has lost his control over you and is panicking . Don't let him dictate what is happening - if the relationship has died for you that is that. Stay strong - you can do this x also stay safe hun xx

Lost control I did think if that. He has seen me cry buckets I thought that would please the abuser in him but he wants the conflict now.

There is a really dood book about the psychology of abusive people and I found it really helped me - why does he do that ? By Lund bancroft I think. It helped when I thought I was going mad or sending him into craziness . Remember you are not responsible for how he chooses to conduct himself . Ypu sound so sure it is over - however he reacts or throws every thing at you should not change that. He may well go through a phase of begging and pleading too xx hang on in there and stick to your guns but it's never nice being on the end of this sort of behaviour xxx

Womens aid website are also really good to look for practical support with the nuts and bolts of end of relationships. Xx

Why are you getting cuddles from him if you broke up a week ago? This is presenting emotional mixed messages that will confuse yourself (or him) (or dc). Sorry to be blunt, but you are not a couple anymore, so stop acting like you are.

He is probably angry because his clean laundry is running low. Please don't do his wash for him.

He wants the conflict now. Fine, but he'll have to fulfill that need at someone else's expense from now on, right? This is why you broke up- so you don't have to put up with that crap anymore.

The insults are about him meeting ego supply. They have ^nothing

*they have nothing to do with you.

Lundy Bancroft is the name of the author of the really useful book.
I haven't read it but many people on here rate it very highly.

You lot are right. Last night he was doing the head shaking and smirking and muttering I always thought he did for an invisible audience. He has also tried to control what I tell my friends which I thought was a bit mental. I was happy to part as friends I really was - no expectation of getting back together or anything just on good terms. Bit dumbfounded he isn't going to allow that

Bit dumbfounded he isn't going to allow that
He's an abuser.
It's standard.
He wants you begging him to stay so he can regain his control.

Please do call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
Get some support and do the Freedom Programme.

You have to get cannier and more powerful. Forget about parting as friends. He's not your friend. Control your own narrative to friends and get it out there. Cos he's slyly getting his out there, you may be sure of it.

No more hugs, become a grey stone. Walk out of the room when he starts his shit. You no longer owe him a minute of your time.

I e done the freedom programme. He has told me I have made up everything exh did. That was the final red flag really.
He is getting the last of his things tomorrow I think I will go to a friend down the road. I have locked valuables in the car so not much he can do except take his clothes etc. What a massive twat he is being