What am I missing??

[newname123456]

I don't get sex.
If I need affection I can have a cuddle.
I don't want to get pregnant.
If I want an orgasm I can do it myself.
What am I actually missing here?
It's not a case of finding the right guy, I've had several partners but every time, id take sleep and a bit of peace than sex.

Everything with cheese please said I agree with & couldn't have put it better myself.

Thanks for the replies. I love him but I don't need sex to prove that physically. A hug and kiss do that. I wouldn't kiss my brother on the lips so that's exclusive to him iykwim.

Have you discussed it with him? Seems important prior to marriage. Eg do you both want DC? Will you/he have sex with other people?

We've got kids. We've had sex about five times and two of those amounted to pregnancies.

I don't need sex to prove love either, OP, but sex expresses love in a different way - and also feels damned good.

If it doesn't do it for you, fair dos. Though I'm wondering why you're posting here.

Ms I'm not too sure either tbh, I suppose I'm questioning myself as to whether I am actually missing out by having a sexless relationship/marriage but at the same time, I don't enjoy it so don't want to be coerced into doing something I feel I should, simply because I'm in that relationship.

How is the marriage apart from this?
No I don't do it to prove love either - that's the part I was talking about doing it for someone else's sake. I do it because I want to. Not only does it feel good (so a selfish reason), I also enjoy the closeness it brings (so also a selfish need/want), on the other hand I enjoy the enjoyment he gets from it too. It HAS to be mutual to be enjoyed. It's ok not to enjoy it. But you need to speak to him about whether this decision is right for you both, because 'forever' is a looooong time and you need a very solid foundation. It's ok to marry your best friend, as a platonic friend if that suits both parties.

You also don't confirm whether this is new issue with this partner or your whole life

Pookie I enjoyed it as a 16yo but probably for the novelty factor. 13 years and a good few partners later it's boring, time consuming and unsatisfying

Masturbation and sex are both great in different ways. Sex is unpredictable - you don't know what your partner is going to do. The excitement is infectious: if your partner gets turned on more, then you do, too. If you turn him on it can feel very satisfying, a minor achievement :) The more bodily fluids the better. And personally I get a better orgasm with a partner.

I've also experienced feeling like I could do entirely without sex, especially when the kids were small, or sex was simply off the agenda anyway. But in the long term, if I really did not want sex with my partner I would start to wonder if maybe the relationship wasn't quite right. In the past it's usually been a sign that something was up.

I don't have sex to prove anything, though: I have sex because I enjoy it and I enjoy making my partner happy.

If you don't get much out of it that's your business, as long as you are both fine with it.

I think you are a similar kind of age to me, and yes I found raising small kids and being busy pretty much did kill off my sex drive. Hormones too. Are you ok in your mood, do you suffer from depression?

It's only as my children have grown that my sex drive has gone up again

Nope, no depression, the odd bad/hormonal grump day as much as the next woman. Not on hormonal contraceptive which I know dampens libido, it's just me an oddball.

Tonight I'm going to sit dp down and tell him clearly that this is how it will be. Yes he's had it for years but I think there's an expectation that things will change when we're married, when the kids are older, when we've moved house, all the "when's". He may well go for sex elsewhere and that'll just have to be a pill I swallow because I wouldn't blame him. He's the right side of 40.

Do you enjoy it when you pleasure yourself, newname? So in other words, does masturbation reach the places couple-sex can't?

Should you be getting married?

If you don't miss it then your not missing out so what's the problem ? I love sex and love the connection it brings . Also nothing beats the feeling of being massaged and careered . Diy you just don't get that

Ms I probably last masturbated two years ago so who knows!

SPen is sex essential in marriage?

Caressed nor careered darn phone

Glad you think so vanilla

It's my birthday on Saturday, he'll probably forget. Still, my parents have offered to take me for lunch which is nice.

I think I have to echo SPenfj's question, not because I think sex is always essential in a marriage (I do know a few asexual people in happy relationships, so long as everyone is on the same page most things are fine) but because collectively your posts allude to you and your DP wanting different things perhaps... you say you suspect he DOES expect sex to return to the menu later on but you have no intention of that, you assume he'll forget your birthday, you don't seem to spend much time together even platonically... it might be a good idea to sit him down for that serious talk you mentioned.

You definitely sound asexual to me. It's not that uncommon. There's even asexual dating sites for people who want companionships and romance but not sex.

It's your relationship OP. If you're both happy together and this suits you both then that's good. If I were you I would double triple check he understands your position is long term. If he's happy with that then what's to worry about. Your lifestyle isn't for most people but wouldn't it be dull if we were all the same