Has anyone got up and left everything?

[Florida28]

Sorry if this is a long post and in anyway upsetting to others. My head's all over the place and I don't know what to do for the best.

For a long time, really long time, I've been thinking about walking out on my life. I'm off work today because I can't paint a face on it and do my job. There's just so much mess going on I don't know where to begin.

I love my husband but I don't think it's for the right reasons. We don't have any children. Little over a week ago I went to the police to report sexual abuse I went through from the age of 5 until I was 18. I've never told a soul but alluded to it with my husband. The reason I went to the police was a throw away comment made by my mum, I guess I reached breaking point with it. I'm tired of dealing with the emotions and issues it raises every so often. My family try to be supportive but have their own major issues going on.

I dont even know why I'm explaining all this. The only thing stopping me walking away from it all is financial. I have a loan and credit card and very little savings. Do I walk away with nothing, leaving everything behind and start from scratch? How do I do it?

Sorry if I'm all over the place I can't think straight at all but need someone to help me get things straight in my head. I need a plan of action to focus on

Two things have drawn me to respond to your post. Firstly, the reasons you give for staying with your husband are totally valid and if you dug a little deeper, I'm sure you'd find more and more reasons to stay and the fact that I think you do love him (hence your reasons to walk away and save him from pain). I doubt that walking away from him would cause less pain btw.

Secondly, have you looked into renting out your property for a year and then doing some travelling ? If you went the 'house-sitting' route, your costs could be kept to a minimum. If there's equity in your house and you're looking at retirement then you could return home at the end of the year and sell your house and downsize.

I can't believe that your thoughts aren't tied in with what's happened in your past and that therapy would be good to get them in order and perhaps help your husband too ( I can't imagine what you're both going through), but I do think timing is everything and maybe if you're not ready yet then a year out could be just what you need.

I so sorry that you're going through this,

You need to have a very upfront and candid talk with your husband. If he is as supportive as you say, he will try to understand why you need to do, and why.

How awful that your work is so unsupportive, do they not have staff services or HR or whatever? Have you been signed off work by a doctor yet?

Thank you QuiteChic

I do love him, my own way and it kills me to see him hurting and upset over something from my past. The reasons for living him and being in live with him are endless but I question if they're enough and the right reasons.

A few of our friends worked away and rented out their homes. They've put my husband off that idea, I've suggested renting to family or a friend but he doesn't want the financial risk with that kind of set up. He'd like the mortgage paid and for us to close the door to come back when we feel like it. The mortgage being cleared is still another 5 years away and just now that seems a lifetime.

Although the need and want to get away isn't directly because of my past I've no doubt it'll play a part in it. But I think the main reason is family and the issues they constantly bring to me. Totally my own doing, I have realised I help others to distract from my own problems
Things are never straight forward, but just a few messages on here has given me food for thought. Now I need to figure how I suggest I take a break while my husband takes care of everything. Pfft

You are experiencing immense emotional trauma as reporting the abuse stirs up many terrible memories. It's very natural to want to run away from it all but please do not make any life-changing decisions now. Take a short break and then reassess.

I have the doctor at 3pm.

My work is a very small charity with mgs funding but no provision for confidential staff support. We don't have an form of supervision, which I recently highlighted to one of our commissioning officers.

He'll totally support me through what's to come. But I don't know how he will handle it or that we're strong enough to get through it.

I speak from experience with recovering from childhood abuse. Your H needs to be reassured that he is not going to be your primary support source during this process. He is not a professional and that's what you need right now. A therapist who has experience with dealing with historical abuse.

Yes he can be there to give you a hug and assure you you're doing the right thing, and that you are a worthwhile and lovable human being, but he cannot possibly reassure you about your experience and that it mirrors those of many other survivors. For that you need to speak with someone experienced, and/or other survivors.

I think you need to slow down a little bit. Speak to GP, get counselling, talk to NAPAC. Steady the ship as it were. If you still feel the same in 6 months then take a sabbatical for 6 months and go live on a ashram in India.