This is the deal....I am again sitting here again this evening alone with my 4 children, aged 2 - 14. My partner went out to do something which he said he would be back after 40 mins with milk etc except that was as 5pm. It's now 8 and he's not here. All calls to his phone are ringing out, what's app messages sent but not read (ignored) he will be drinking again no doubt with some other loser mate with a similar drink.problem.....This is a regular occurrence last happened aboit 2 weeks ago. Probably happens 3 or more times a month. Get a shit excuse the next day (sometimes he doesnt get in till after 6am says he slept in his car, he drinks and drives and hes a nasty agressive (verbally) drunk.blah blah blah when he's sober he has mood swings. He can have days where he's really good and other days I can't say anything to him.without him jumping down my throat. He's so argumentative, moody most days (when hes not had a skin full) and makes.me feel like it's all my fault. However he does have alot of time for the kids, he's a good dad will take them.out and spends time with them etc....He also normally cooks tea most nights, he works hard (self employed) and he is never tight with money and always sees that bills are paid etc.....He doesn't do anything else housework wise (he does the garden) but that's okay as he does cooking.
We have been trundling along for 15 years, we live in a place where it's rural and I don't have too many friends as we are quite cut off and most the people are quite a bit older than me but I do have 2 close friends back where I moved from (110 miles away) I work from.home so gets lonely.
The more time goes on the more unhappy I feel. I hate this disappearing and drinking and uncertainty we have. I cannot trust him and lately he has been lying to me about his drinking or where he has been when he has gone out (because of the driving he has done drunk) he claims he doesn't have a problem and he has in the past given drinking up for up to 6 weeks at a time but then he will go on a bender several times a week......thing is everyone around here seems to have similar problems with the drinking.....It's a small (ish) village we live in. He has got an addictive streak. When we for St got together he had been off heroine for a year (he was on it for 5 years prior to that) I know he's never ever been on it since he's been with me. It's just the alcohol now.
Thing is I can't take much more of his issues and his crap. I am at the end of my tether, I hate walkingon egg shells around him in fear of being shouted down at.
I also feel like we need to move away from this area perhaps closer to where we used to live so I can be a short distance from my family and see my old friends again. I don't have anyone to go out with here and I do feel a bit lonely and need support right now. My dad is quite unwell (mentally) and my mum could do with some help too.
I just feel like having a night out away from stresses of being a busy mum (am still bf my 2 yr old and teying to wean him off and this is causing sleepless nights) also I am self employed and that comes with its own stresses.....I want to get dressed up go out and forget about it for one night and let my hair down. I miss being in love and just want a bit of excitement in my life....Our sex life is crap. I have zero sex drive with him even though he's up for it all the time. I just switch off and get it over with. That sounds awful but that's how it makes me feel.
I don't think the situation is going to get better.....but if I move out it would be a big disruption for the kids at school and would be a whole different area.....I don't know what to do. But the thought of being single and pleasing myself and being close to family and friends seems very appealing right now