Who am I?

[Confused0080]

Hi,

This is probably going to be a really weird post so bear with me.

I am married with a preschool daughter. But me and my husband have recently separated due to ongoing issues. I desperately want to make the marriage work. We have been together a long time, he is a lovely man and I love him dearly. We are giving each other some space and are "dating" once a week for a month to see if anything rekindles. This was his decision to separate and it has broken my heart. I have lost about a stone in a fortnight and like I said, I will do anything to save my marriage.

But there's a chance it won't work out. I accept that. There are issues in the relationship and it may be a case that we are better as friends. We do love and respect each other a lot.

The thought of my life without him makes me feel sick and almost terrifed at times. But...I have always fancied women too. Since I was a teenager. I can't bear the thought of being with another man if my marriage doesn't work out. I just couldn't stand that thought- I love him too much.

But the thought of being able to have a relationship with a woman excites me (even though I want my husband more If that makes sense).

I have had a few innocent encounters with women as a teenager and the first person I fell in love with was a woman.

Sorry, just airing some of my feelings. Don't really know what I am expecting.

Thanks

What are the issues that prompted your husband to separate?

Hi, thanks for replying.

The issues range from stress to me being a nagging wife to simply not knowing if the spark has gone. I mentioned briefly when we first got together that I think I may be somewhere on the bisexual scale but nothing has been mentioned since.

In the grief of separating from my husband, I find myself watching episodes of orange is the new black and longing for the intimacy with a woman. But I want my husband back more. This sounds so confusing I know!

'nagging'
Horrible word.

So he's a lazy/messy git and you need to remind him to do things and he doesn't like it???
So he's punishing you by separating?
There must be more to this.

Well there is more to it than that, there a lots of issues to be honest. He has depression and I suffer with anxiety. That's one. Lack of time with each other as I run my own business and don't have much outside help with my little one. How much I worry and obsess over my daughter. The list goes on and on.

I am just confused about this sexuality thing. I quite like the thiught of getting together with another "straight" woman if that makes sense. But I want to make my marriage work first and foremost. Guess my head is everywhere and racing ahead to the worst case scenario at the moment.

Well it's fair enough that you want to focus on your marriage and what happens with that, but you shouldn't have to deny who you are...

Also have you seen a doctor about your anxiety?

I completely understand where you are coming from.

I can't offer any advice, other than perhaps now is the chance for you to focus on yourself and the life you want for yourself. Read books, get some counselling, meet new people. You can't control what your husband does, but you have complete control over your own decisions.

Ok so you like woman. That's fine but I think you need an honest conversation with dh.
If you have any hope of making your marriage work there needs to be honesty.
Perhaps some counselling to come to terms with your sexuality.
I'm bi and married, I meet other women and he's quite happy with that.