I'm having a crisis in my relationship, I absolutely hate my mother in law so much it's affecting my life and me and my dp's future.
I never really liked her to begin with, just to put things in context I'm a very polite person and was very accommodating when I first met her, I really made an effort with first impressions, even though I felt, if I'm honest, there was something not quite right about her. I just had a gut feeling that I ignored, I don't think I really liked her from the beginning, I just did my best to be agreeable.
About five months ago I had a very early miscarriage, only five weeks but it was my first ever pregnancy so it felt kind of special, although I know miscarriages are common, it felt especially sad. I've been grieving my pregnancy as though I lost a person. I tried to be proactive and found a great councillor who taught me different techniques for coping, that has really helped.
So my 'bad feeling' about mil came to fruition during the phone call when we announced our pregnancy. Granted it was an unplanned surprise but she seemed annoyed like we were a couple of irresponsible teenagers who got knocked up (we are both in our late twenties.) She then proceeded to talk in this very enthusiastic, almost sing songy way about me having an abortion, that I wasn't that far along and I quote "it would just be a little bit of suction."
My dp was surprisingly defensive about his mummy, saying she was just a career woman and wanted me to feel like I was pro choice but I knew what his mil meant, she doesn't like me being with her son and us having a child together would mean our relationship would be cemented.
A week later I miscarried and when dp telephoned his mum she had that creepy sing songy voice "oh never mind." I feel like my relationship is breaking, under the strain of my greif and under the strain of a partner attached to mummy's apron strings and how much I loathe her. I know that part of the greiving process is anger and I'm directing it at her but I thought she was bad news before and now I just don't want to have a relationship with her at all. She's a horrible narcissist who wants her adult children to look after her. She thinks I'm too much and wants her son to date someone who wont take too much focus away from her.
I feel so sad about the miscarriage but I also feel sad because I might lose my relationship. It's painful being with someone for so long they feel like a husband only to discover he is earmarked to be his mother's flunky for the rest of her life. I once went for a walk with mil and dp and dp was literally holding an umbrella over his mother's head while she walked beside him.