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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Female Stalker ?

4 replies

Worrynot1 · 12/06/2017 11:31

Ok anyone know what the signs of stalking are? Some 16 years ago I worked on a project with a woman both in our mid-thirties at the time, we had an instant and quite mutual attraction however she was getting married and although we got very close we stayed within the bounds of her situation. Over the years we kept in touch odd e-mail few times a year friendly what’s going on in your life sort of thing. Roll forward to last year I get an e-mail suggesting it would be nice to meet up , and as I was in the same area I thought ok , we got on as before however I was in a relationship (my partner at the time knew of the meeting). She divorced her husband, my relationship subsequently ended however I no longer felt physically attracted to her as she had changed in a substantial way. I have not perused a relationship with her other than friends.

Since then I have been bombarded with e-mails and phone calls (she uses different phones) that seem to get ever desperate some saying I don’t want to be e-mail friend and others saying she is getting married when she is not, other saying she wants contact and others getting more and more angry with me I have young children and a busy life (she has no children) recently she has been spending time locally to me I have not shared my address but she has sent photos of local beauty spots. At the moment I am seeing her in a slightly threatening way I have told my current partner about her, but worry that she is becoming more unhinged as I also get texts from her telling me things then a txt saying it was not meant for me. I don’t want to hurt her but any contact seems to create a torrent of texts and silence does not work either.

OP posts:
Demesne · 12/06/2017 11:47

Sounds like it's time to just block her. She does sound a bit bonkers and put out that you won't be pursuing her.

RebornSlippy · 12/06/2017 11:55

Have you told her straight; "I'm not interested in a relationship with you. Now or ever"?

I believe that sometimes, being unwilling to be overly hurtful or look like the bad guy, men are not clear on their feelings. Such ambiguity can lead to false hope.

Worrynot1 · 12/06/2017 12:18

Yes told her directly , but understand I may have been overly nice before so not to hurt her feelings. She is also IT savvy so new e-mail aliases addressees changed phone numbers changed.

OP posts:
OhDearMuriel · 12/06/2017 12:32

I would phone 101 - the Police Non-Emergency number and see what they suggest you do.
If anything, it would be a positive to log a complaint first. It may sound overly cautious, but if she doesn't get her own way, she may get nasty, and who knows could log one against you or whatever.

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