Help me

[needhelp111]

Don't quite no where to start but here goes.
On a few occasions (most nights) DH has been forcing me for sex, making me feel guilty and that I'm depriving him of my body....on some occasions I've been blacked out with too much wine and woken up with my underwear off and not knowing wtf has happened. We have 4 Dc (10,13,15,16) mortgage and lots of debt.
Things have come to a head and he's blaming me for not 'wanting' him and pushing him away.
I do love him but I don't know what to do.
For the last 2 nights he's slept on the sofa (his choice)
How on earth would I even be able to get out of this situation without loosing the house or the kids ? I don't know what to do. I don't work and have zero money.
(We have been together for about 18years)

Sorry this is happening to you.

Please speak to rape crisis and women's aid.

Yes please do speak to rape crisis and possibly the police if you feel you could

Assuming you're married then you would be entitled to part of the property and assets when you split up. Can you consider finding some work? This would help you as well.

He's a rapist and you shouldn't even consider staying with him

As PP have said, ths is rape and you need to get away from this man.
How would you feel if one of your DC came to you when they were older and told you this happening to them? What would you advise to them be?
I am so sorry this is happening to you and you do need to seek some professional advise to help you get away from this vile man and deal with what is happening to you xxx

Thankyou to those that have replied. DH won't acknowledge what he's been doing.
How can I get him to admit it and take responsibility for his actions - he's very manipulative and has a way of turning things round onto me.
I've made myself a doctor appointment as right now the best option is running the car off a bridge.
I have no family (none that would give a rats backside and help anyway)
I feel I'm stuck

Report him to the police. Get evidence of dc then file for divorce. You will get legal aid and take him for half of everything. You owe it to your dc and yourself to have good mh.

He won't acknowledge he's raping you. You're on a hiding to nothing wanting that from him. You're being sexually and emotionally abused. It's a good idea to go to the gp - they should be able to signpost you to help with this domestic violence. Reporting it to the police would be good if you can, and would be one way of getting him removed from the house.

If you're feeling suicidal, please talk to the samaritans and get support urgently. Women's aid are also there to help you.

Please seek out every other option before even thinking about committing suicide. Your kids need you. Stay strong for them. like other people are saying, contact rape crisis and they will help you get some clarity and strength. You can do this xx