Worried DW hates me

[Milkman68]

Hi all I'm new here and need some help or reassurance. Been married 6 years and the sex life has always been ok. Over the last 2 years or so DW doesn't seem interested. At all. Like it's a chore or a wifely duty. It's simple sex nowadays. No fun in it at all. For her anyway it seems. I first noticed something was wrong when if we are in bed and I try to move my hand up or down her body her arm will press against her skin to stop me moving. I tell her I love her everyday. And her me. Not really sure she does though. Help me please. Any men or women suffered it or done it. I'm terrified my wife doesn't love me.

If you've ever put pressure on her for sex or sulked when she said no this is likely the reason. Behaviour like that utterly kills sexual desire stone dead. If that's not the case then maybe she's knackered, taken for granted?? Whatever it is try talking to her, without any hint of pleading or accusation

Ask her. That's the first step. Talk to her.

Then do some reflecting. Can you live a life with a partner that doesn't fulfill your life? Everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them happy. Goes for you and your wife.

A lot of advice from MN will come from wives who are like yours, some worse. They will blame you and your actions. Just remember that you two are in a marriage and it's both of your responsibility to communicate.

Have you tried to talk to her about it at all? If not that's really the first step. Try to bring it up in a non-threatening/pressuring manner and encourage her to be open with you about it.

I'd imagine that there are a million different reasons why people go through periods of disinterest in sex - two years is a long time though. If you bring it up with her and she can't identify anything or doesn't seem willing to discuss it then maybe look into couples or individual counseling.

Good luck!

What has she said when you have talked to her about it? If you haven't talked to her you won't know if there is a problem, let alone how to deal with it.

The first thing to do is ask your wife how she feels and listen to what she says

For a lot of women (not all!!) love has very little to do with sex and desire. You can love someone deeply and love your life with them but have really low libido. Sex when you don't feel like it can be absolutely horrible, and feel very invasive. And when you don't fancy or enjoy sex, you start to shy away from other intimate touch because you feel like you're leading them on only to let them down. Sometimes even the fear of another pregnancy can put women off sex.

Libido changes hugely for many (not all) women up and down throughout life, depending on hormones, depression, weight, tiredness, etc.

Is your wife loving, caring and affectionate in non sexual ways?

You need to talk about it and calmly help her see that you equate sex and desire with love, so when she rejects you for sex it does hurt. Reassure her that you aren't ever going to pressure her into sex when she doesn't want it, but at the same time she has to understand the impact that the current situation is having on you.

I will echo what others have said and sit and talk calmly about. Don't throw any accusation type statements at her (you always turn me down, you never want sex etc). Use "I" statements (eg I am feeling really pushed away, I would like to be more intimate etc). People are far more open and less likely to feel attacked that way. Ask you what you can do improve things.
It might that she's shattered, is she working? looking after the home and children? Do you help out around the house?
You could try wooing her as well, with no expectations. Take her for a nice meal, wine and dine her, bottle of wine and some nice music. But don't try and iniatate sex after. Show her that you value her as a wife, as a partner.

Talk.

My DH could have written your post. Maybe.

But has he asked? No.

Would he even listen if he asked? No.

My answers are all sitting here waiting to be said. All he has to do is ask.

Ball's in your court.

Milkman, how are things going? Did you make any progress?

Do you have young children? Perhaps she's exhausted looking after them.

Or could it be a stressful job?

Could also be that she's having an affair and feels she's cheating on the OM.

Or she doesn't get a great deal of sexual satisfaction and can't be bothered.

Try and talk to her about the changes you've noticed and see what she says.

If she dismisses you, then you have a problem.