Brief background on me -
32, 6yo child, single since found out I was pregnant.
I have never ever been the type of person who men find attractive. Obviously there has been the odd few, but generally I just seem unattractive to men (I'm fat, that is probably the main reason!)
I have had two nice boyfriends in my life, one for around 6/7 months but I was 16, it was never going to last and then another when I was 20-23 but we grew apart.
Between 23 and now I had a short lived flirtation with a guy from work, mainly over text but things happened a couple of times, he never wanted anything serious. Probably ashamed and didn't want people at work to know!
I met my sons dad, we dated for a few months then ended but carried on sleeping together for almost a year then he ran a mile when I fell pregnant.
Since I had my son, aside from a married guy being obsessed with me (nothing happened obviously, I told him where to go!)
there has been nothing. Admittedly, I don't get out a lot. I tried online dating but it just isn't for me, whenever I found myself getting along with someone and they'd suggest meeting I'd panic and end the interaction. I just don't have the confidence to meet people. Facially, I'm ok but otherwise I am fat. I have huge thighs, bum and horrible fat arms that I can't ever have uncovered. I just think they'll be horrified when they see all of me, not just a pic of my face!
One of the conversations I had with someone online a couple of years ago turned into texting, he seemed a really nice, genuine guy and he really seemed interested in me, but when he asked me for a drink I obviously said no and stopped talking to him. A few times in the past couple of years I've thought about him and maybe wished that I had had the guts to go for a drink.
A couple of weeks ago, out of the blue I got a friends request from him. I have yet to accept (I wouldn't accept someone I didn't know, pics of my child etc on there, and perhaps things that might be identifying as to where we live) but we've sent some messages, chatted, caught up on things and the more we've talked, the more he's made it clear he is interested so I have done my usual and just not been particularly chatty the last few days (he's not actually messaged in a couple of days) for fear that he'll ask me for a drink, and if we did go he'd be horrified at the sight of me!
Why do I do this?! Any tips on how to be more confident with myself?
I'm in absolutely no rush for a relationship, I'm happy single and when my child is with their dad I love my own space but it would also be nice to have someone. I don't want to be alone eternally!