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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I overreacting!!!

16 replies

AlanasMum · 19/03/2007 22:12

DH & I just had a big row. It started out as what I believed to be a gamehe was leaning into kiss me and I accidently knocked him away with the brow of the hat I was wearing my daughter(who I was hoilding) seemed to find this quite amusing so when he did it again I knocked him away again this happened a couple of times and my daughter was finding it very funny and I assumed that it was a game. next thing I accidently caught my DH in the eye he promptly 'dead legged' me. This upset me on several points firstly when he has dead legged me in the past I have got very upset about it and asked him not too. not even in 'jest'. Secondly I was holding our DD and she could have got hurt if my leg had given way (although she didn;t see him do it.) and thirdly by the way he dismissed it saying it was a reflex action.
I then took him to task saying his reflex shouldn't be to hit me over an accident. and he reckons I knew I was hurting him with the 'game' I was playing so 'i started it'.
I'm really upset as although he's said sorry I don't feel that he means it or thinks he has done anything wrong.
he says I'm over reacting and I should change the record.
currently on my period and not able to see this very rationally. have been crying and just feel very sad. 5yrs ago in our relationship he would never have done this (married 5yrs)

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/03/2007 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

willywonka · 19/03/2007 22:16

Think it's got a bit out of hand on both sides tbh.

wotzsaname · 19/03/2007 22:16

Alanas, his reaction wasn't very bright on relection and you are of course right to be annoyed and upset.

Not quite sure what "dead leg' means but it doesn't sound funny, or big or clever! He should grow up.

fortyplus · 19/03/2007 22:17

'Dead legs' can cause thrombosis so are definitely not funny

Anonnnnn · 19/03/2007 22:17

sounds like stupid bickering that we all do when irritated with each other rather than a real issue about who hurt who first.

You'll feel fine in the morning

NotQuiteCockney · 19/03/2007 22:18

You both seem to be behaving unkindly, imo.

Original poster

AlanasMum · 19/03/2007 22:18

I had thought that I was flicking him gently. If I'd known it was hurting I'd have stopped but as he seemed to be joining in I had thought he was finding it funny like our dd
dead legging is a swift hard punch to the leg usually on one of the pressure points, which then causes your leg to go dead.

OP posts:

fortyplus · 19/03/2007 22:21

I think you are sending bad messages to your child that any sort of hitting or poking is funny

themildmanneredjanitor · 19/03/2007 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyDaddy · 19/03/2007 22:24

I bet he initially thought it was ok, but then felt silly / small as you were laughing as well as dd. He over reacted by dead legging you.

Now he feels wrong so he wont apologise.

colditz · 19/03/2007 22:26

So, because you wouldn't let him kiss you, and moved your hat on your head to prevent this, he punched you in the leg while you were holding his daughter, hard enough to deaden it.

I don't agree that this is a joke that got out of hand, he sounds like a violent twat.

Spidermama · 19/03/2007 22:27

It's bad enough to do it, but to do it in front of your dd is totally unacceptable. TBH it sounds like he has some simmering anger underneath which he could do with addressing.

Sorry you're upset. Perhaps you should wait until the whole thing blows over and make a point of bringing it up at a later date to let him know how strongly you felt about it. Just now he's likely to be defensive.

colditz · 19/03/2007 22:28

And if he didn't like the game, an adult reflex responce is to stop playing, not punch a player. Would he punch one of his mates if his mate laughed when he missed a shot at pool? No. I bet he fucking wouldn't, because his mate would knock his head off, whereas you can't.

Mmmm, big man!

HappyDaddy · 19/03/2007 22:28

My ex used to do this kind of stuff, the dead legging i mean. Was her attempt at getting back the upper hand, or to show who was boss. Always in front of dd.

Now she's got a new fella, she's schooling dd on how to humiliate him too.

Original poster

AlanasMum · 19/03/2007 22:32

Thanks spider definitely can't face talking to him at the moment

OP posts:

Emskilou · 19/03/2007 22:57

My exh used to do this to me on my arm he thought it was funny but he knew it hurt me a lot, he used to like making me powerless and weak normally mentally but every now and then he would get a little violent nothing huge because that would cause him to feel guilt, this way he could pass it off as a joke, he was a cock, glad I divorced the sad little bastard.

Talk to your h in the morning explain that is wrong and not to do it ever again, ever, no comprimise.

Flip