I need some brutally honest responses here. as with all mumsnet thread, it is hard to give the entire background but im going to try to be fair to each 'side.'
im 29 and i have a very difficult relationship with my parents. growing up, my little brother was the superstar - totally amazing at rugby and went on to play professionally for a few years (doesnt anymore). i get on with my brother and he says he didnt like the limelight much, looking back.
things happened growing up where i had HUGE resentment for the amount of time my parents gave to my brother. it was literally every weekend dedicated to taking him to matches and talking about his success.
dont get me wrong, i was showered with opportunities - and was told so very often when i complained. but i was never into sport, although i did well academically.
the older i have got, the more hurt i feel about it all. it's stupid though, isn't it? i KNOW now that they just made a misjudgement, yet i struggle with it. they left me for so many weekends and evenings (or at least it felt that way) as a teenager. i felt like a failure very often. if my brother way playing, we all had to go - neither parent would do something with me separately.
fast forward to today and my brother does something completely different to sport. ironically, i am objectively the more successful one out of the two of us (not that i care one jot these days about comparisons being drawn - i know that being happy is what matters).
but i can't seem to be around them all without these feelings creeping back. for instance, a few months ago they all went on holiday without me as they "didnt think i would want to come." another occasion i was due to go with them to a uk holiday, and the day before they text to say there was no room in the car so if i wanted to come i would have to drive myself (this being an 800 mile round trip that i could nowhere near have afforded alone and they were well aware of) . they're not big deals but they hurt.
growing up i was called "little hitler," i was asked constantly why i was so jealous of my brother in a really mocking tone, i was told i was weird for not reading magazines and always wanting attention. i was told that i was a hugely difficult child to bring up, and nothing like my brother, so it cant have been them that made a mistake, it was just me who was a shit daughter. i was dancing once in the living room to MTV and my mum told me to stop showing off. as a child i was extremely shy and i was certainly not dancing to show off.
the other side is that they are always there for me if i do really really need them. i think my dad does feel sorry for how things happened, but my mum doesnt really engage with the topic when i try to tsalk about it. she hates any form of self pity, which i understand, but equally i feel it's something i needed to talk about to resolve the relationshp with them. it will never happen though. they are good people, they do care and i know they love me. they have such a better relationshipw ith my brother, though, they seem to really genuinely respect him. there's so much angst between me and my parents that we just dont have that relationship. being critical of myself, i am an intense person, i know that, but i dont feel this sense of suspicion and hurt with anyone else in my life except them.
i know that practically, i either cut them off (i couldnt, i love them), or ignore it once and for all and try to surpress my anger and hurt and put it into perspective. my question really is, i am being unfair? is this usual childhood stuff that most people deal with?
i need a kick up the arse if i am that person, because my head feels such a mess these days whenever i am in contact with them.