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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dh shouted at my granny.

21 replies

Inkypink0 · 10/06/2017 22:29

We had big barny earlier and my granny has been staying with us as she isn't well. I accused him of something (which may or may not be true - we have trust issues) and he went mental. I was in the garden and I could here him shouting at her. It was about me in what he was saying - but he was still shouting at her saying it. She is in her 80s

We hardly ever argue and if we do it's sorted pretty quick, never escalates to this. In the 7 years we have been with each other we have had about 3/4 biggish arguements which usually end up with him sulking in bed for the evening then we make up.

He was supposed to be doing something for her which she really needed and because we had the argument he refused to do it for her. Being a complete dick head.

I'm mortified. I've asked him to leave for a few days and he happily went.

He is a big bloke and I did feel he was out of control and horrified at him shouting st my granny. It's the first time ever I felt worried (?) because he was properly shouting at my nan and out of control

Havnt a fucking clue what to do next

OP posts:

endofthelinefinally · 10/06/2017 22:33

What a nasty man.
I can't bear shouty, sulky men.
Is your nan ok?

Stormwhale · 10/06/2017 22:34

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

He is telling you loud and clear that he is a cunt.

Original poster

Inkypink0 · 10/06/2017 22:36

I know endof this shouting was a new one.

Nan is ok, upset that she thought she caused a 'row. I then get told off because he is 'under pressure at work' and to stop having a go at him 😒

OP posts:

Naicehamshop · 11/06/2017 07:14

Well, isn't he a prince!

I'm sure you know that his behaviour was totally unacceptable. Has he apologised to you and - especially - your Nan for what he did?

Lunaloves · 11/06/2017 07:23

Your poor nan. This is awful behaviour by him and was a successful way to get your focus off the trust issues. Well done for asking him to leave. Perhaps you hit a nail on the head and have now seen a side of him that is very real but usually hidden.

Out2pasture · 11/06/2017 07:24

Having a go at an octogenarian, that's low. He needs help.

LostGarden · 11/06/2017 07:36

How terrifying for her. Being screamed at by a "neighbour's bloke" is bad enough for anyone but when you're an unwell,woman in your eighties!

What a nasty bully. Btw, your gran is from the generation of women who were raised to make endless excuses for men's bad behaviour, so I wouldn't worry too much about the pressure at work. I've often been under pressure but I've never shouted at a vulnerable person because of it. Nor then refused to do something for them that they needed.

LostGarden · 11/06/2017 07:37

Have no idea how Big bloke" turned into "neighbour's bloke".

Crumbs1 · 11/06/2017 07:38

Mmmnnn the problem isn't him sounding off at your grandmother. Being 80 doesn't make you less adult. It doesn't sound like he was actually shouting at her but rather to her.
The problem is the 'trust issues' and accusations. If there is no trust, there isn't really a partnership.

Figaro2017 · 11/06/2017 07:40

So what has he been accused of that he may or may not have done? How often does he get accused of something he may or may not have done?

Has your Grandmother been there long and did he want her in the house or has he been expected to 'put up and shut up'?

The fact he happily left for a few days suggests he's really pissed off. The big question is, is he justified in being pissed off?

PotteringAlong · 11/06/2017 07:52

. I accused him of something (which may or may not be true - we have trust issues)

What did you accuse him of? He wasn't shouting AT your Gran, he was shouting TO her about whatever you accused him of. That's a big difference.

PotteringAlong · 11/06/2017 07:52

And when you say "we have trust issues" an I right in assuming it should actually be "I have trust issues"?

Naicehamshop · 11/06/2017 07:57

Look at the op's post again, Pottering. She says he was "properly shouting at my Nan and out of control."

That would be scary for anyone.

Bananamanfan · 11/06/2017 08:01

What was your granny's take on the shouting incident? What does she say happened?

PotteringAlong · 11/06/2017 08:04

But she also says It was about me in what he was saying he might have been shouting but he wasn't having a go at her Granny. This is why I think context is everything here. If the OP is continuously accusing him of stuff he hasn't done then this was the straw that broke the camel's back and that's not the same as shouting at her. That's just a rant and a vent at someone who was there and, as she lives in the same house as them, it happened to be her.

LostGarden · 11/06/2017 08:14

Naturally it is the fault of the two women if a man is properly shouting and out of control.

Trust issues and now this? Not good.

Figaro2017 · 11/06/2017 08:26

LostGarden

Have you never read Mumsnet before? It's very formulaic in a lot of ways and starts with the premise of nasty men.

KungFuEric · 11/06/2017 08:29

What did you accuse him of?

LostGarden · 11/06/2017 08:40

Figaro I would consider a man proper shouting and out of control to be a "nasty man", mumsnet or not.

And yes, I've been reading MN regularly for over 5 years now, so not a complete newcomer.

Naicehamshop · 11/06/2017 12:36

Exactly, LostGarden.
Amazing what some posters will accept as far as men's behaviour goes.

AnniesShop · 11/06/2017 12:58

Shouting at her to her about her whatever is not on.
Being elderly means she's more susceptible to shock
which can kill her.
Thank god most people don't need to be told that it's
low and cowardly to shout at old people. I would bin
him off in a heartbeat for that.

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