Would you break up with someone because you fet rubbish about yourself?

[PookieDo]

I am having a real down period about myself.

I've got a couple of medical issues going on and I do think these are the contributors to how I feel. They are being addressed but no fast fix.

I feel so tired, unnattractive, low and just overall rubbish (ill sometimes too). I'm overweight and I can not look at myself in the mirror, I'm comfort eating and fooling myself that it's not out of control. I cannot seem to get a grip.

In the midst of this is my fairly new boyfriend who I see once a week, but we talk a lot. I know I am not fun and sexy and happy right now. I don't think he really understands how I feel although he tries to say supportive things there is an element of paranoia that actually I think if he was honest yes he wants me to lose weight and get a grip and find some energy but there is no way he would admit it so he is doing it in that cowards way people do of just not saying much at all.

It feels like having him around is adding to my stress AND now I feel like me losing weight is an issue in our relationship but then I know I'm putting that pressure on myself. I'm a size 14-16. I can still recall from my long single days that it's less stressful to have to worry about someone else and wondering if I should just walk away now so that I can focus on feeling better and getting to a better place. I would miss him and I think he would be upset but I feel like an emotional burden to him as well so I can't win

It is good when our partners support us however you need to start taking action in order to improve your mood and situation.

Gp? Or join a gym or private therapy.

Tbf what do you expect him to say? The guy is probably confused as to what he can do to help.

Take responsibility for your situation by seeking professional support

I have not been in that situation, but I think it would be sensible to, yes. You're not in the right head space for a still-new relationship.

And yes, you need to focus on you - you've got it absolutely right there.

Thank you. I feel it was a horrible wobble (and hormonal) where he could have said something supportive but just didn't. If it's ever the other way round I would go out of my way to offer support but I'm feeling alone in this.
I feel better today but this kind of thing puts a gulf between us where I don't want to tell him how I feel so I hide it

He can't always just have the good times I have bad times too

You aren't in the right place for any relationship and this one in particular doesn't seem to be a good fit. You need encouraging words and he isn't able to provide them. If say take the first step in self care and and things. Then focus on yourself.

I was in the right place when we met, but things have gone wrong with my health that I didn't foresee and although he is supportive on a practical level to some degree not always emotionally supportive.
I think emotionally it's hard to stay positive all the time when things are just a bit shit

I don't know...he sounds like a decent enough guy, are you maybe projecting your issues here? If you think finishing with him will make everything better then I would think there's a bit of 'fear of failure'. lurking in the background of your thinking.
How will ending a relationship with someone who is , in the best way he can, being reasonably supportive to you, make anything better?
There's no logic to it OP.

I agree in lots of ways which is why I am considering ending it with him not because he is to blame, but because it is causing more stress and pressure I don't need.
He is a decent enough guy

I don't know why I can't seem to sort myself out. Either just accept myself the way I am (because I suspect he would prefer it if I lost weight too) or just actually do it.

10 years ago I lost lots of weight and then had my heart broken so very badly. I gained it all back. Then 5 years ago I lost it all again and felt great but then I had my confidence smashed to bits by a different man. So another 5 years of putting it all back on is here and I have a love hate relationship with food and weight

Maybe speak to him about it first? You may lose someone really worth keeping for something you could work through together. Also you saying the cowards way by him not commenting on your weight gain could in fact be it not bothering him as he wants you for you regardless

Are you roughly the same size now as when you met him - if so I don't think it bothers him. I think you are feeling unhappy about your weight and not "loving" yourself right now and think he must feel the same way.

Is it more to do with your health situation than your weight? Do you need to accept that the outcome was worse than you thought - maybe if this was a shock to you it was a shock to him too.
I say this as I was in a similar situation -met a guy just as I was about to start treatment for breast cancer- (I hadn't planned on getting involved with anyone at this time but things happen) - i had to tell him - give him the choice - as it was he chose to support me - came with me to the hospital when he could - what was even more difficult is that he had visited his mum at this hospital with cancer too - had a lot of difficult memories for him.

I think you need to talk to your guy - I'd leave the weight issue and focus on the health - I think the weight issue is yours and now may not be the best time to deal with this with the health stuff going on - you need to give yourself some tlc and when you are ready to deal with this you will as you have done before.
By the way I hope it's not too serious

I really hope you are ok after your diagnosis and things are well for you?

Thank you and no it's isn't too serious - I am having an op on my womb for fibroids and due to all the blood loss I am anemic and exhausted. I also have just started some medication for something else that has unpleasant side effects.

Due to us not really seeing each other that often, this can breed poor communication and conversations and topics kind of play on in your head whereas if you spoke face to face it would probably sort it out quicker - and I could see his face.

So we did talk and I apologised for putting him in an awkward impossible position on this topic and he apologised for anything that made me feel bad unintentionally and that he supported me whatever. So I do feel better.

Added to that I went back to the gym and got back onto healthy eating. So I am trying to help myself now

Well done pookie. I wonder if you associate being smaller with heartbreak and pain. Maybe that's a bit of a mental block you could try to address? I realised that the times when I've been small were when my major relationship disasters happened. Complete coincidence, I'm sure, but once I realised this I decided to strive to be fit and strong, rather than focus on weight loss. I've been lifting weights at the gym, and it makes me feel strong and powerful. I'm no smaller but I'm happier with my body and more confident. Good luck.