Am I being a fool for thinking this relationship could work?

[MemoriesOfAnotherFuture]

I'm recently separated from my ex-DH. We separated quite amicably, other than a few obviously difficult conversations. We had been together for ten years, married for five and had essentially just drifted apart as a couple. Sex has dwindled to nothing (three times in the past four years). I'm 31 and we have one DD aged 3.5. We're living apart, but friendly.

Since separating I've been casually seeing someone. The thing is he's 24, seven years younger than me. He's actually a student, just graduating. We have a lot in common and have enjoyed nights out (when I can, with family commitments), days out, one weekend away (one night in a hotel). The chemistry and sex is absolutely amazing, especially compared to my previous sexless marriage.

However, I keep thinking about his age. He's 24, some of his friends are as young as 20 and 21. I feel a bit ancient and also have a weird sort of guilty feeling that he should be with someone his age, who he can go through his twenties with being carefree, travelling, getting married and starting a family. I have my DD and had always thought I didn't want more, although since separating I've thought maybe it's just I didn't want more with my ex due to the state of our marriage and I could want more in the future.

It's obviously very early days, and I don't want to be overly serious with him (and scare him?!) He says he loves me and how amazing I am, I do love him too. Should I just enjoy it while it lasts, we do have fun together and a great sex life. Or am I a fool to imagine that we could make a go of things and have a proper long lasting relationship?

You say yourself you are casually seeing someone.

He clearly isnt casual to you now. But are you casual to him?

Sounds like a nice relationship so yes it could work. I would just focus on enjoying it. Trying to guess whether ANY relationship has staying power is a bit of crystal ball gazing.

I suppose I meant casual as in we haven't met each other's families, many friends, aren't a "Facebook" couple (cringe). Obviously having come out of a ten year relationship and marriage with a child, anything is going to seem casual in comparison.

Being recently separated, I am fine to take things slow. But I don't if that's adding to my feelings of guilt- that he should have a complication free girlfriend his age

It started out a lot more casual- basically just sex (which is what I wanted, with the break up and all). I also slept with one other person once, and he was casually seeing someone else for around the first month, which I knew about and was fine with.

Then around Christmas we both said we had more strong feelings for each other.

Stop over thinking it because that's a guaranteed way to ruin things. You like each other. He's good to you. Just let time take it's course. As far as the age difference, it's totally irrelevant. My husband is 12 years younger than I am and it doesn't mean a thing. Just RELAX and enjoy yourself!

Thank you! I know I am overthinking...!

Ex-DH is taking DD on holiday abroad for a week (eeek!) in July with his family, so I am thinking it will be a chance for me and new partner to spend some time together, more freely and flexibly- i.e. him coming over earlier than 8pm (once DD in bed!) and getting up together in the morning!

New partner is very sweet, as I say it was very sexual to begin with and still is, and that is important to me due to my previous relationship, but he also makes me Spotify playlists of songs he thinks I'll like, messages me throughout the day, asks for and values my advice about work/career etc.

Ok, slight disclaimer- as I said, he is a graduating student. He's actually at his Grad Ball tonight. I don't know if that is what is making me feel weird tonight in particular. It is no partners, so I couldn't have gone anyway but I don't think I would have even if I could. So I'm a separated 31 year old sitting at home on a Saturday night with a 3yo in bed, reading mumsnet, and he's a student at Grad Ball with 21 year olds... it just seemed to really shine a light on that gap.

I really do think that even if there's no serious future, I am really enjoying things at the moment and enjoy spending time together. I'm just curious about how things will go.

This relationship may work out beautifully or it may not. One thing for sure, if you don't allow it to progress naturally without constantly second guessing, it will go no where. He sounds like a lovely man. He knows your getting divorced and he knows you have a child, and he still wants to be with you because he's a grown-up, not a little boy. There are countless 40 year old men who have never grown up. I think you're very lucky!

He sounds lovely - enjoy! Just take it one day at a time and see how it goes. 31 is really not old (wait until you're 41!)

41's not old either...

Enjoy yourself OP. It might work, it might not. If hes a nice fella just go for it

However, I keep thinking about his age.

You bloody well should do. Every day.

Because every day it gets narrower. Think about it.

I have no problem with age gap relationships at all, but I do think there sounds like some obstacles here. If you get serious, he's going to have a big role in your child's life. It's going to be hard for him to take on the (step) parenting of a very young child, before he's even had any parenting experience. He may want his own child in his late 20s, like you did - and then you'll be looking at trying to conceive etc in your later 30s, which isn't always a given. It could work out, but I think he sounds a bit young (declaring love to a newly separated woman with a child) and immature and doesn't really realise what committing to someone with a child actually means.

Yes, thank you- I totally agree about these obstacles. Although he hasn't met my DD, I have seen him with children, he worked in Nursery for a year between sixth form and uni and the degree he is just finishing is Early Primary Education; he'll be a teacher. So there are some positives surrounding his interactions with children, although it's obviously totally different from step-parenting.

The wanting his own children is a big one for me and I suppose could ultimately be the deal breaker, with the various circumstances- my age, my already having a child etc.

I met my DP at 31 and had a 6yr old DS he was 21. I enjoyed it casually at first then he said he loved me. I panicked a bit said it would never work as a real relationship and as my DS had SN no 21 year old wants to take on that.
But I was wrong he was and is a wonderfully mature man capable of knowing himself what he wanted. 9 years later I am 40 he is 30 and we have 2 kids together a DS 4 and our DD just 6 months and life is pretty damn perfect. My eldest DS adores him they've been together to the wrestling tonight and are off to karate together tommorow. He isn't his Dad and my DS is in daily contact with his own dad but still he's an amazing male influence. So my point being it could work give it a chance, you never know

You are 31. Seriously, I don't think you have any clue as to how young you still are.