Is this childish jealousy or intuition

[Happyfoodie50]

Hi just want some feedback as feeling weird today. My partner and I don't live together. I'm 51 and he's 53. We have great fun and just returned from holiday together. The problem is he is very flirty with the girls he works with. I try and be mature, knowing he's just being friendly but from time to time I get really down about it. If I bring up how I feel he shuts me down. Basically his work colleague left 2 weeks ago and she still has work stuff to return . He has mentioned nearly every day how he needs to get this back but today said he's popping round Monday night to collect it. I looked at his phone ( I know!) as felt abit weird. She's 29 and he's 53. She's very attractive and saw she had text him that she would cook a meal and open some bubbly. He hasn't mentioned this but I saw they had been having regular conversations that seemed v flirty. I said to him, why can't she drop the stuff off but he's adamant that she won't be able to carry the stuff and he's obviously being chivalrous but he's mentioning this issue all the time and I'm getting pissed off. THis is the problem he is so nice to his work female friends. Sometimes nicer than he is with me? I hate feeling jealous!

Its so creepy and unprofessional that he is being flirty with his colleagues! I'd be suspicious.

If you are not happy with it, and he won't engage with it, then just end it.

I don't understand why people women put up with stuff like this in a relationship. I have very low tolerance.

The only men I've known who would have insisted on this sort of thing are the ones whose boundaries meant they: a) were open to something happening; b) were hoping for something to happen; c) were already doing something; d) were inconsiderate to their partner's feelings all around; e) didn't see the problem with doing any of the above.

I would not expect or allow someone to 'control' me in a relationship, but I would not do something that upset or made someone else feel disrespected either.

This is who he is.
I imagine he doesn't feel exclusive with you in spite of traveling on holiday together.
Perhaps you are in the "good enough for now" role?

Decide your boundaries (which do not need his blessing).
How about if you were being flirty with other men? How would that go down?

What JustAMusing said.
If you have had the exclusive chat, then he is a bloke with a wandering eye. Imho, not trustworthy, ever,

Trust your gut. Don't mistake jealousy for stab in the heart contempt from him. This isn't about you, it is about him.

Cheating on you "in plain sight".
What you are feeling trumps any smooth lip service he deals out about your feelings. He does not get to define your feelings for you.

Look - at this points of your lives - of you need to be worried about work colleagues and flirting - is it worth it, really?

People flirt. It happens. Men, women. There are attractive people everywhere around him, and you.
Worrying about it all won't change it.
Either you make each other happy, or you don't. And if it's the latter - then why stay?

And - you call him a partner - yet you don't live together. How does it work? Are there other issues that prevent you being together - other than odd jealousy episodes?

I would definitely not be happy with that! Cooking him a meal and opening bubbly?! On Monday morning I'd say, what do you fancy for tea tonight, then if he doesn't tell you he's there to eat or make out that he's eaten out, then have it out with him. Or if you're brave tell him you've been snooping, and how you feel it's not unreasonable to do so.

Yuck. It feels wrong because it is.
Personally I find flirting a massive turn off in attached people. It's disrespectful to their partners and in my experience is a way of them sounding out other people for a shag. But being able to claim they were only flirting, didn't mean anything, you're possessive etc.
I'd dump his saggy arse

I totally agree, I certainly think I'm just with a massive flirt who needs his ego stroked. He is very kind to me when we are together but the instant I grill him about his work friends he gets really defensive. An example being recently he went off to have a private chat with a female work colleague at a party about her job leaving me alone which was fine as we aren't glued to the hip.The minute I asked him what the issue was he became really defensive. I didnt accuse him of anything but he can't deal with me questioning him about anything. Now I just shut up so I feel weird and unable to express my feelings. I feel trapped as I really like him and most of the time I feel fine but I hate he appears to show more loyalty to the females he works with.

Arse. Bin him

It's your intuition - take heed.

Even if it is all innocent () , it makes you uncomfortable and he doesn't respect your feelings , so he's not right for you.

I feel trapped as I really like him and most of the time I feel fine but I hate he appears to show more loyalty to the females he works with.
That's the key, isn't it. You feel second best to whichever random work woman he's interested in at that moment. You know you shouldn't have to feel like that. If he doesn't care about your relationship enough to change it after you explain how you feel, he cares about getting his ego stroked more than your happiness together. That's not worth hanging around for.