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Original poster

Holidays, DC and ex

12 replies

OhMy2017 · 10/06/2017 14:34

Ridiculous to ask I know.... anyone avoided holidays for fear that ex would start demanding time away? Should I not go away for now?

DC only starting to stay with him so don't know how they could possibly be away.

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 10/06/2017 15:01

Why couldn't they "possibly be away"? Presumably your ex is a competent adult in other respects, and he is (whether you regret that or not now) the person you chose to be the father of your DC.

Nobody springs out of the womb a parent - we all (men and women) learn on the job. He won't ever learn if you start chucking unnecessary obstacles in the way.

LemonSqueezy0 · 10/06/2017 15:12

If you start trying to manipulate situations and playing games it's only the children that will miss out in the long run. If you don't go on holiday, so he doesn't take them on holiday the net result is that the DC dont have holidays. No one wins... Hmm

donners312 · 10/06/2017 15:14

Ex's do what they want anyway. So he'll take them on holiday irrespective of what you do?

Not being unsympathetic it is really hard I know

Just do what you want and don't worry about him - go on holiday and have a nice time!

PotteringAlong · 10/06/2017 15:16

Why are you allowed to take them away but not him?

BlackeyedSusan · 10/06/2017 15:17

perhaps they could build up to going away with him. When they are used to contact, say during the day, moving to overnights, moving to a weekend away... etc.

I put up with mine on holiday as he is not competant. he stays in a guest house. we have moved to being able to be in the same house for one week without feeling the need to murder each other, which would not be good for the children.

happypoobum · 10/06/2017 15:22

I am not quite sure what you mean by "avoided holidays?" Do you mean you haven't taken your DC on holiday because if you do that then your ex might do the same?

Why would that be a problem?

Is there a drip feed coming where he is a raging alcoholic or something? If he is fit to look after them in the UK then he should be fit to look after them elsewhere to be honest.

Desmondo2016 · 10/06/2017 15:28

Savour joint custody if he's fit for it. Don't allow it if he's not. Beyond that there is no discussion.

Original poster
OhMy2017 · 11/06/2017 08:03

Thank you.

He's a narcissist and I know DC will find it hard being away.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 11/06/2017 08:59

I take DS away but ExH is quite a lazy father and I doubt he'd ever offer to take DS away. 2 nights at his house is the maximum he can seem to manage. Do you think he would want to take them on holiday?

Original poster
OhMy2017 · 11/06/2017 20:01

I think he might .... but more because it's his right rather than nice for them

OP posts:
Nubia66 · 11/06/2017 22:33

There is an explosion of narcissistic exes on MN. I'm not doubting that such personalities exist but I think it's used too often without any supporting information.

Original poster
OhMy2017 · 14/06/2017 12:56

I think more and more people are realising g the trait and are now able to talk about it. I pretty sure that previously, the partner of such exs was blaming themselves or thinking that they were of fault.....

OP posts:
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