Man in need of help - please take mercy :-)

[redrabbit29]

Firstly I'm a male - and also a first time poster. Not sure if you want to burn me at the bonfire, but please just take mercy and listen first ;-)

I come wanting help and in desperation of some form of understanding:

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Me: 32 with a mortgage and no kids
GF: 30 but no attachment to me and no kids

So very clinically speaking, no problem as I am on my own and no ties with kids or houses.

We've been together 5 years
About to go away to Cuba for 10 days in the next few weeks
Next month is a wedding up North for her Brother

.............................

I'm so stuck, there's so much !!!!!yness, resentment, bad feeling. I'm so angry, so annoyed, I can't even tell you why. Simillarly she may feel this way.

I'm physically having heart palpatations and feeling unwell with stress and anger at some of the issues between us. If I told you what they were you'd think "Grow up".... just like in any other relationship. IT's nothing big it's just stupid things.

I don't want to go away to her families wedding next month.

................................

EVEN WORSE IS as part of her birthday present I've booked a surprise trip to Venice which cost around £1200. I don't care much about the money, just the whole thought of not going. The idea of staying at home instead of going way.

What the hell do I do?

Thanks everyone

You've not stated why there's so much unhappiness, anger or resentment.

Have you discussed the issues with her?

It's impossible to advise without any detail.

At the time you booked the surprise trip to Venice were you happy then? What has changed between now and then?

Is the 'grow up' bit of your issues is that she would like a commitment and kids? She's still reasonably young. Break up with her now rather than drag it out for another five years when she will have less chance of finding someone else.

What a pointless post!

We're all here to help and support you, but without knowing what is going on, how can we do that?

Lots of posters have already made all kinds of assumptions, which are ridiculous without knowing the situation.

I'm really sorry that you're obviously frustrated, angry and - probably - sad, but you need to tell us why and what's going on!

I don't understand the question really. You're unhappy in your relationship but you won't say why. You're not married and don't have any kids. What difference do the holidays make? Either there's a problem in your relationship which can be fixed or you're unhappy and want to end it. You decide which is which

If you are unhappy and it's making you anxious and unwell to be with her call it quits. If you think there is a relationship worth saving get some couples counselling to sort out the resentment and anxiety

Shit or get off the pot.

With respect to this post and your relationship.

It's hard to give advice with so little detail, but if she's making you unhappy then it seems like now would be a good time to end it, before you end up tied together by kids, finances or marriage.

Go to Venice on your own and have a great time.

Are you describing overwhelming anxiety at the thought of dumping her? (Hence the 'trapped' desperation) Im not being obtuse, its difficult to just be clear on what you think the root cause of the palpatations, stress bit is. Or, is it the frustration of 'biting your tongue' thats causing the stress reaction and indeed youd just like to clear the air with all the shit thats really wound you up?

Have you leapt from, irritated by make up on the towels, to I could bury you under the patio right now? I say that, as sometimes its sad that people split up, in the midst of a period of unusual 'angry about everything', that in a couple of months would be back to simply being irritated by make up on the towels.

Let me tell you about my DHs skid marks......... Honestly, it should absolutely be a valid reason for divorce, but 20 years on, what the hell. Hes been a fantastic partner and forgiven all my less than perfect flaws.

Clearly you need to tell her youre not going to the wedding. Just tell her. If all this other stuff is simply magnified or a sub-concious justification to finish the whole relationship because of this one issue, its unfair on her to not tell her, its the wedding. Tell her youre not going, and do it today.

PS The other reason Im encouraging less haste, is, how did a fantastic bloke like you, who clearly not too long ago, got excited about booking a £1200 surprise trip to Venice for his girlfriend, (yep, we're all queuing up here) get to such resentment in such a short period of time? Either something significant has happened, shes suddenly starting cold fish/face like a lemon attitude, hard work, or something, like the wedding, has triggered your stress levels. We need more info here.

I've read this 3 times now and I still have no idea what you're asking.

Struggling to get much sense from the post to be honest! Some people on here have such vivid imaginations

It would help if you came back and explained some more so we can help you.
Sounds like you're a bit pissed...