How to fall back in love / get the spark back?

[MidnightMoonlight]

Been with DH 12 years, have a 7 yo.

It's the classic - thought we were happy until someone else came along.

The someone else is another guy who I have to work with and has a massive thing for me. I like him too. And now I've realised life doesn't have to be boring. That I'm not necessarily happy with a safe and content life.

The other bloke makes me feel alive for the first time in years and I've realised DH and I have become stale. Sex life has stagnated. He doesn't pay me compliments or notice my appearance.

I live DH and I want to make an effort for the sake of our DC. He's kind, cares for us and we have similar interests. He is a homebody and very relaxed and rarely takes charge or makes plans or does anything unless I arrange it. He is a good dad and is faithful and reliable.

But how do I stop comparing him unfavourably to a more exciting person. I'm sure its a grass is greener situation but I feel like I'm seeing my life with a fresh pair of eyes lately and I don't like it.

Hi EllaBeth, yes went back through posts. Sounds like the counselling helped alot which I might consider too.I guess time helps and being aware of your emotions and how to control them. I know what you mean about roller coaster and getting carried away. Hopefully I can come to a similar point to you and deal with it as best I can

It's so hard pieandchips. Be kind to yourself. Feelings can be incredibly strong. I know the perceived wisdom is that its ok to have feelings as long as you don't act on them, but in reality that can be hugely difficult xxx

Time definitely helps. I don't even think about the men who I had affairs with now. They were both over 10 years ago. They just filled a need in my life. It was horrendous behaviour by me. I was a very needy and destructive person.

As for others going through this, there will be many. It's not as uncommon as people would like it to be.

I am in a similar position as op, lack of affection from hubby, completely invisible at home, minimal appreciation of me. Someone I work with has been kind, interested in me, i can have a laugh. I am attracted to him,( I am not sure he is attracted to me) but if he wanted to I am not sure I trust myself. I think I am quite down that he isn't attracted to me which makes me feel more crap about myself.
Either way it has made me realise how unhappy I have become, I miss being a part of a couple, love and affection. Our conversations are very functional e.g. " can you put the bins out", "what's for dinner".

Ellabeth I read your response back at the weekend and it is still with me. Really made me think. I hope you find your peace.

Ellabeth, do you really have to be in daily contact with them? If it's work then can you find a new job?
If they're part of the inner circle or maybe family? (on your husbands side) then could you not just fake a falling out, come up with a good reason why you fell out and don't speak to them again!

Do you think that you might get past this more if you were on your own, maybe in time find someone new, not X or your husband?