I would love some advice about what is going on in my head right now and how to deal with it.
I would like to add first I have a history of depression and had a terrible few months last year.
So my partner of 3 years left me very suddenly over Christmas last year. We had what I thought was an amazing and happy relationship certainly for me at the age of 36 I thought I had finally met the one. He was everything I had ever wanted in a long term relationship and although we had our moments we rarely argfued and I thought we were happy.
Him leaving me was a bolt of the blue and led me to lose my house and a large part of my day to day life.
Since then I have slowly rebuilt. I have my own place and although I wouldn't say I am happy I have tried hard to make the most of it all. I also changed jobs and generally tried hard to be happy. It's been a tough process.
At work I met for the first time since my ex and I split up a man who I overnight fell hard for him. I appreciate these feelings are artificial but they felt so real and for the first time I had a spring my step and didn't spend hours thinking about the ex. New man seemed to feel the same and we spent hours chatting and discussing feelings without anything physically happening. Then 2 weeks after it started he rejected me. I was probably needy and weird to be honest and I don't blame him.
And now the hurt feels so real and it's like my ex has rejected me all over again. I am in bits. Feel like my depression is coming back and my new start at my job is now filled with thoughts about this man who really is just surely a fantasy and not real.
Please tell me I'm not going mad, also how do I stop thinking about this new guy? My head is constantly spinning and I feel so miserable. I don't want to hurt anymore. It's just made me miss my ex and the stability and love I thought we had even more.