Should I be upset at these texts?

[upset1234]

Obviously name changing as I'm mortified.

DH and I both incredibly flirty people. DH known for his charm and was quite the ladies man before we met and married.

We have 1 DS (2) and I'm currently pregnant. DH recently stressed with work and has been hitting the bottle. Today he says he's going out for a few drinks with an old colleague who I know they slept with each other just before we got together about 4 years ago.

He'd come home after a boozy pub lunch with his mate so was already a bit drunk. He said if I don't want him to go out with this woman later then he won't. I said he can do what he wants but I want to see his phone - he handed it over without hesitation (later went on to his laptop to take pics and crop conversation). When I said wtf are these messages he just said "I miss her as a friend" and "you know I'm just being charming".

I'm a SAHM and pregnant. No money of my own and now petrified. Or am I just being a bit precious as I know he's always been a bit cheeky (but thus far never overstepped the mark)?

He's still not home. Tried phoning but goes to voice mail, his phone most likely dead so not that suspicious about that.

I wouldn't be happy- if you sent these to a man how would he feel ? Why is he seeing her again ?

Your husband sounds very much like a cheat and you sound like you feel you have no power to draw any boundaries

What a grim situation for you

It may all be just a close friendship. However, I would not like my husband to be sending texts like that to anyone. They're too personal and emotionally intimate for a person in a relationship to send.
I would have to confront him and ask him how he would feel if I was sending similar messages to a man.

Hope it's nothing sinister.

Oops. Should have mentioned the conversation started when a reminder came up on his phone that it was her birthday so he wished her happy birthday and it went from there. I know the last time they saw each other in a social setting was at least 6 months ago if not longer.

Crikey, I am pretty laid back OP but I wouldn't be happy about this!

They'd be a bit much for me - but if thats his and yours normal writing style and he willingly handed his phone over then perhaps no problem. Did he say he'd be back at a certain time? Does he go out a lot - Is he helping with childcare?

Also, where is his 'charm' for you ? You have children and pregnant and showed your disappointment at the messages and has done nothing to alay your fears.

if you sent these to a man how would he feel ?

Cross post with pringlemunchers

I really don't think its anything sinister (or maybe I am just kidding myself?!), but either way it's really not nice to read. I don't want him talking to other women like that.

Of course it is "sinister" if it makes you feel like you are feeling now

I would not be happy at all, he is being imo overly flirty. Does the friend know about you and that you're pregnant?

You have every right to feel like that. Even if they are entirely innocent. He should be discussing it with you and hearing you out. It is ok for you to say ' no this is not acceptable for me'

It's actually ok to say no,I don't want you going out drinking with a woman you've previously slept with. Those texts cross boundaries of what is ok for a married person to send. He needs to shape up.

I hope you can sort it out but set some boundaries for gods sake.

f83mx Mon-Fri he's not that hands on but does help out if he's working from home. Weekends he'll give me a break in the mornings for me to have a lie-in but when he's hungover, like I know he will be tomorrow, he won't be out of bed until lunchtime. I know I shouldn't let him sleep like that but I'm too scared for him to be around toddler half-drunk or driving anywhere. This happens maybe 1 in every 6 weekends.

I'm laid back about stuff like this but this I wouldn't be.
Congratulations on the pregnancy

I trust my husband 100% but I would never accept him sending texts like that. Way too much. Also he's taking the piss sleeping til lunch when he's got a toddler and a pregnant wife! Unless you can do the same of course. Shit example to kids!

Ugh, I'm fine with DP having female friends (he works in a predominately female work environment) and away from home on a regular basis.

But I would not be happy about those texts, not acceptable at all.

He doesn't sound charming to me, OP. Not at all. You sound quite enthralled with the fact that he was a 'ladies man' before you married, like he's some sort of prize. He isn't. Not if he makes you feel like this.

I don't think being instructed to 'hand over a phone' has any place in a marriage though. The fact that you needed him to do that doesn't sound good.

I don't know what you can do other than make a proper assessment of your financial situation and where you would be if you had to go it alone because if your husband behaves like this now that you're pregnant and vulnerable, he has no respect for you.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, really.

I'm not sure op, it depends how he usually writes texts and what her messages back said, it's difficult to read out of context. I'd write similar to my friends both male and female and not think anything of it.

I find him still going out of he knew you were upset a bit off. What time are you expecting him home?

Could be innocent but the whole (can't wait till next week) bit seems a bit keen. Just my two cents.

Well its utterly clear he sees nothing wrong with the friendship and is being totally open with you about everything. Which is a novel way to cheat on you I suppose. But hey ho, men being close friends with women (and vice versa) is a big no no on Mumsnet so let your wildest fears run wild and you'll find someone here to say thats exactly whats happening.

Or you could return to reality, look at the evidence, look at his behaviour, look for any changes in who he is and how he treats you and then make a less emotional assessments.

Telling him he misses her would do it for me tbh. But each to their own.