DH has been caught with intention to cheat but is angry with me!

[Hischickmakes]

DH has been caught trying to pick up women and pretend he is single.

I have told him this spells the end of the relationship (we have 3 really young DC) and money problems.)

Instead of apologise or admit the obvious or explain, he has decided that I am "way worse" than him and that it is deeply unfair of me to finish the marriage over this when he has been putting up with my "bad behaviour" for years. My crimes are thus:

Going for an early evening drink with a platonic male friend who I'd known for years before I met DH, in full knowledge of DH.

Being hauled on to my friend's husband's lap (by friend whose husband it was) so that I could get into a photo they were all taking. According to DH this was humiliating for him and I should be embarrassed and ashamed of myself and is WAY worse (apparently) than him picking up women.

Confiding in my best friend about the problems in our marriage. Apparently this is the "biggest betrayal of all" for telling people outside our marriage about our business.

We are not from the English culture as I know these things would not be very significant.

I don't even know where to start with this. There will be huge prejudice against me if I divorce DH and if he is also spreading the word that I am the badly behaved one it will upset me so much.

All I have done for the last five years is bring up children without his help. How do I react to this? What do I say?

That's not a very sophisticated technique for trying to evade the conversation is it?

If he's going to act like a child answer accordingly in the manner of a calm exasperated primary teacher. "This isn't about me. This about addressing your bad behaviour."

Get rid of him, and get rid of anyone else who judges you based on his lies. Culture be damned. Doesn't sound like a culture worth living in.

I wouldn't engage with him and I certainly wouldn't try and 'defend myself'. He refuses to take responsibility for his shitty actions and is trying to deflect blame. WHATEVER you try and say to reason with him will be turned around and thrown back in your face...

Just refuse to engage and stand your ground. If he starts blaming you for your 'bad behaviour' you could say:

"I'm sorry you feel that way, however it's probably for the best we split then....."

Or if he accuses you of 'betraying him' for speaking to your friend

"It's a shame you feel like this, however maybe it's then better for us to not be together...."

Just don't engage... He's angry as he's been found out to buy a horrible man who has no respect for you.

Split and if anyone asks why tell the truth. Very few people feel that behaviour is ok and your 'crimes' are laughable. They make him look even more stupid.

Stick to your guns and get rid. Chances are he's done it before. You should get an sti check to be safe. Sorry, what a horrid man and situation.

If you've brought the children up yourself you have already got a reason to divorce him.

Cheaters often feel threatened, so accuse and worry their partner is st it too.

Life is too short - drop the shit.

I could have written your post myself! That's exactly how my ex behaved when I discovered he had cheated on me with multiple women. Went on and on about how he had put up for all these years with my "reckless behavior" which looks like yours, and bringing up stuff from 15y ago to show how I "humiliated him". My business trips were "leaving your kids to travel with men", business dinners "going to dinners with men", leaving him for cheating on me "destroying your family because you don't have mercy in your heart"...

Please please listen to below advice and do not engage with him, do not try to defend yourself. I read old emails between us and I cringe. You will never win and everything you say will be turned against you. Please don't waste years like I did and just leave him.

And he has probably already met other women, not just trying to.