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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on ex putting stuff about friend on fb and constantly putting children in middle

3 replies

Belleende · 08/06/2017 08:06

Friend recently got divorced from hasty bully ex-h. There were 3 mediated agreements, which he subsequently refused to action so they ended up in court. His version is that friend was the one who dragged it out and is now putting his version of events all over fb and generally slagging her off to all and sundry (omitting things like his adultery, abandoning them with no money and 2weeks of tenancy left leaving them homeless, paying the bare minimum support, constantly messing with finance and contact order). He has also been constantly bringing the children into it. He allowed them to read all the divorce material, including the nasty e mails they sent each other (those from him heavily edited ). THe eldest is now parroting this crap back. My friend has been v careful to keep the kids out of it, but it is now getting out of hand. They are early teens. How should she handle this? Is it time to proactively tackle the bullshit, or will the kids figure it out on their own eventually?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/06/2017 14:41

Ugh what an idiot. Rubbish for your friend.

She should ignore the Facebook drama and definitely unfriend him if she hasn't already. She could unfollow mutual friends to avoid him popping up on her screen at all. Definitely don't get into an argument on Facebook.

As for the children she should tell them that they've only heard their father's perspective and sometimes adults disagree but she loves them. Avoid any blaming and try to remove the children from the arguments. Let them decide for themselves what their father is like

noego · 08/06/2017 15:51

Complete NC with him. Block everything and anything associated with him. Keep the kids out of it completely. When they grow up and become adults and have had a few relationships themselves they will look back understand and respect you for not involving them. Take the high ground. Do not take anything personally. People will get pissed off with him going on and on and on and on about it. The truth will eventually come out, it always does.

Belleende · 08/06/2017 17:04

I was in agreement with you both, but now I am not so sure. Him, his new dp, all his family are singing from the same warped hymn sheet. Her friends and family have maintained a dignified silence for years. Agree a facebook spat just makes everyone look like dicks, but if the kids dont hear an alternative view point what stops them from buying his bullshit hook line and sinker?

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