Feeling trapped & lonely.

[user1496345265]

I moved to a new island in Nov 2015 for a fresh start, new job, better social life etc. I left all my family and friends behind and took a leap of faith. Almost instantly, a 7 year friendship with someone I knew in my new location blossomed into a very hot and heavy relationship. Amazing sex, couldn't keep away from each other... besotted. I knew he was a serial cheat in his previous relationship which is why it had ended. I'd been hurt and cheated on beyond belief in my previous 10 year relationship and had trust issues. But I couldn't stop myself.

In May 2016 I discovered I was pregnant. I gave birth to my beautiful daughter just 16 weeks ago. Problem is, I don't trust him and I'm here all alone with a new born baby. No family, no friends, no support, no money.

I've caught him texting other girls who he says are 'just friends'. He kissed another girl right in front of me once before I was pregnant. I don't trust a single word he says and he is the only person I have here. I'm living in hell, watching every single thing he does, where he goes, who he's texting. I'm sure it's not great for him either.

My dilemma.... do I stay in this relationship making myself ill with worry 24/7? Do I move back to be with my family and friends (2 plane journeys away from here) meaning I've separated my daughter from her father and visa versa?

Never felt so trapped, advice welcome :(

It's a tough one I've been in the same situation myself but my ex was also violent and I moved back near my mum and other family which gave me a good support network made lots of new friends and never looked back... I was lucky tho as my ex had no interest in my 2 dc so made my choice a lot easier... you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel then make a choice with your head not your heart

Thank you. I've talked to him, he knows I don't trust him and we're going to counselling. Problem is... I feel like he's just going through the motions and pretending to 'do the right thing' so that I've nothing to hold against him. I've strong suspicions he's still talking to other women whilst at work via text, whatsapp etc.

I feel so anxious all the time. Wondering where he is, who he's with, who's he been on the phone to. It's completely taken over my thought process which is horrible anyway, never mind while looking after a baby with no help or support. It's that bad that sometimes I don't eat or sleep, I don't socialise at all and i avoid talking to any friends and family in case they worry.

I would get my own place here but I don't qualify for any help as I'm not from here and I'm currently not working.

Moving home is my only option but taking her away from him and all his family is a huge decision. Why do I feel guilty when he's done wrong?? So so stuck and fed up

What's wrong with taking the baby away from him and his family? They don't sound like they are helping you anyway.

His family are lovely to me and help if I need it. It's never the same as your own family though. And I can't exactly confide in them about our situation as ultimately they'll take his side which is understandable. I just want what's best for my little girl and me being this unhappy can't possibly be it.

I would not ever stay in this relationship also because you will also end up teaching your child a lot of damaging lessons about relationships too.

Unfortunately as you have now fully realised a leopard cannot change his spots.

If there is no trust there is no relationship and once trust is broken it is nigh on impossible to get back. Think joint counselling will be a wasted effort because he is not committed to it. Counselling however for your own self would be helpful.

Thank you Attila. I know you're right I just feel awful as splitting up means moving away. It would be a no brainier otherwise. Appreciate your advice

I really don't see that you have any choice here. You need to go home to your family for support, this situation is not good for you or your DD and is ruining your time with your new born if it's making you obsess about what he's up to. You won't ever get this time with her again and need to savour every moment.

You have nothing to be guilty about either. You've actually seen him kiss someone else in front of you ffs, you know he can't be trusted and continuing on like this will destroy you. He could change his behaviour and be a dedicated dad to his child, but is opting follow his dick instead. He's making his choice.

Congratulations on your baby!!!

Look - it's impossible to say if he is actually cheating or not. Or if he can change.
But - I must say your post sounds a little OTT.
You just had a baby. And she she should be your focus at the moment.
And instead you are obsessing about this man - his texts, who he speaks at work.
He is the same man you started to date two years ago. Exacly the same man - and you must have not been onsessing then?

So - your tiredness and hormones might play a role here. Don't you think?