How many of you, who have one struggle with your sister?

[missmove38]

I'll try and narrow it down but this plays on my mind quite a lot.

I have a younger sister. We have always had a bit of a rocky relationship. She sees my dad a fair bit..he disowned me when I was a teen and I wasn't allowed to see her for years..I'm sure this has played a possible part in it.
Fast forward to now..she's quite a stressed out person in general, we have totally different views on a lot of things.
I have had 2 children, an used to a stressful full on day and she isn't. I generally find her quite frustrating as I'm easy going and I think she makes dramas out of things.

Does anyone have a similar situation and what do you do?
I worry every time I feel myself getting into a moment with her stopping myself as don't want to lose her but sometimes it's hard.

My dsis is just the same, I have 2 DC and very full days while she is single and does nothing all day, she is very loud and rude and comes round constantly, she also hates my dh. I try to ignore her behaviour as it can be a bit full on and stressful.

If you can try to see her less or be firm and say you are busy it may help

I love my sister but do find her ways irritating the best trick is keeping our rl quite superficial.

I had something similar with a drama llama sibling. I think I became more tolerant when I realised that she does have it worse as she can't cope as much with things iyswim, hence the drama

See my sister would say my life is always drama..she'd be right..but it's not from choice and I've made changes in my life to ease it..she seems to make life hard if that makes sense? Or makes things appear harder than they are.

I keep things superficial with my sister too. She's very self absorbed and wrapped up in her own little bubble. I think I have been there for her emotionally through the last few years but it had absolutely not been reciprocated. We can have a nice time talking about clothes and make up and stuff like that but I avoid anything emotional or personal because she just doesn't care. It hurts but I'm slowly accepting it

The sense of entitlement my sister has is shocking. Both her and my 'D'M (Now NC with both) are of the opinion that single mothers should not have to work or pay for anything. Sis avoided work as long as possible then when she ran out of excuses not to work, 'accidentally' got pregnant again. Works now but really begrudges it. Doesn't think it's fair she pays rent or council tax, even utilities are paid in arrears where possible. She can afford it (has more disposable income than me) but nights out, concerts and clothes come first. Even before the kids.

Sat in my house one year fuming that her benefits were late coming through and if she didn't get them that day her DS was getting nothing for Christmas. Day before that she'd spent £250 of her previous weeks benefit money on music based memorabilia.

My sister is the Queen Bee, no discussion. I was always treated like I was invisible, so I gave her the gift of my absence. We are nc. My other sister is very low contact, and as cupthejunction says, keeps things very superficial.

Perhaps you could manufacture a perspective that would help you cope in the moment. For example consider the dynamic of a mother cat putting up with the antics of the kittens crawling all over her-silly kittens, then getting up and walking away for a break from them. This might help you listen to your sister's diatribes without internalizing the angst or feeling that you are somehow expected to be a part of the solution. "Oh really?" "That's amazing" "Incredible"

Another posture, found in advice for dealing with mil on threads here, is to sort of monitor her behavior with an imaginary clip board and pen. Don't get too patronizing or condescending with it (rather keep your notes to yourself); but it will help your thinking brain figure out the dynamic in the moment to override the initial reflex to irritation/anger. The accumulation of notes gives rise to a game of Bingo when the expected insults/manipulations/Death By 10,000 Cuts surface. Then, afterwards, don't forget your private awards ceremony (with prizes!) to help you detox from the contact.

Lottapianos I agree the talking about day to say stuff is ok..we 'normally' see eye to eye but she can be very blunt whereas I'm a lot more easy going and un opinionated on most things. When it comes to our dad it's a no go so I've given up.

Andb (long username!) I agree..distance..I try my to come across as sarcastic but i don't mean to..sometimes I just don't understand her stress!

You ask what to do now without articulating the problem. You're different people and if you go beyond the superficial it gets difficult, so.... don't go beyond the superficial.

I get the impression that your question really is, 'how can I make her a different person'?

I haven't seen either one of my sisters for 12 years. I have special needs, the oldest of my sisters has mental health issues and whenever I am around her, I get so stressed because you have to walk on egg shells and I just can't handle her unexpected call Mansour reactions to things. I am very used to routine and I need a lot of stability. My middle sister has four children and we get along OK, but only really contact each other on Facebook and not very often.

Isetan not at all! I realise we are all different. I just don't get her stress..I guess it frustrates me seeing her like it at times as I see her issues as so easy!

I just don't get her stress..I guess it frustrates me seeing her like it at times as I see her issues as so easy!

Who died and made you the arbiter of what is stressful? Stick to your common ground, I'm sure there are aspects of your personality that frustrate her too.

However, I suspect that the relationship dynamics between you, her and your father has a lot to do with the relationship dynamic between you and your sister now. Your frustration with her may have not be about her at all and she's just the target of your 'frustrations' because she's the closest you're ever going to get the person your most frustrated with, your father.

If you really want to maintain a relationship with your sister than you are going to have to separate her from your father and accept that her personality is different to yours.

Sister relationships are some of the toughest to negotiate that I have come across. My sister and I have been NC at some points. We always pull through though She's ace.

Isetan if you knew what the stress was over you'd laugh!
Yes probably right re our dad a few years back, now I can honestly say it doesn't figure in my head at all.

Yes massively hurtful and massively stressful . After many years I have realised things will never change and I accept what is offered and don't dwell on what could have been. We are very different people with different emotional make ups and ways of doing things . It just makes me feel very sad, as things could have been so different. I just accept the status quo now .

I have an older dsis.
She has always been needy in every way from as young as I can remember.
This resulted in me being independent and emotionally not that attached to her or our dm from very young.
Things haven't changed other than her needs have got greater and my dm has done more and more and more for her.
I used to be bitter about it and still have moments as I have three dc and work full time yet my dm doesn't help with childcare. She won't trade holiday out of her vast entitlement to help me only twice since xmas has she had my dc on her official day off of the three she works and my dsis and niece spent the whole time with them.
My dm has my niece once a month for three days/nights,does my dsis shopping for her,goes to all school related stuff for niece,Drs appointments for dsis etc etc where as I have a completely different relationship with my dm and tend to keep her and the drama at arms length.
There's always drama for insignificant stuff. My dm will always whip the worlwind up even more so as they are both quite negative people.
I used to find it all really stressful and after an awful get together a couple of years ago I said I was going to step away from it and keep things superficial which I have done.
I feel better for it. I'm not absorbing their drama and negativity now.

I recently had a few days away with dm and dd and although it was nice to catch up it reminded me of how far apart we are in every way.
It's not a bad thing but it just stops the bickering and awkwardness.
My dm will bail my dsis out financially quite a lot but tell her not to tell me as I'd asked for a loan for a matress and she had refused. That sort of shit I don't deal with well so stepping away was the best thing.
Not nc but not too close either

My sister is nearly 4 years younger than me. Other than a shared childhood, we have nothing in common. No shared interests, and very different outlooks and philosophies on life. We have lived in different countries since she moved abroad when she was 18, and wemaje minimal effort to see each other. The childhood "glue" is enough for a few hours, but never long enough to justify the time and effort of travelling abroad.

I don't wish her ill or anything, but if I met her any other way, we would have nothing to say to each other and would not become friends.

In this situation, Facebook is a marvellous thing.

We also have 2 brothers, who I adore. I'm not very good at female relationships anyway; I don't know whether this is because of my relationship with my sister, or the other round, or if we just don't get on. But I work in a traditionallly make profession and most of my friends are men.